December 31, 2022:
Today marks the sixth time I’ve ever embarked on an international trip completely solo — and the first time I’ve ever gone to sleep the night before my flight, woken up the morning of, and made it all the way to my gate without feeling more than a brief flash of anxiety. My plan for the next five months is to (1) visit the UK, where I will reunite with some friends and get a few travel vaccines, then (2) fly all the way to Japan for a few weeks, then (3) spend the rest of the (Northern Hemisphere’s) winter and spring in Southeast Asia.
The world traveler in me was born (awoken?) about 7–1/2 years ago, when I flew to Australia for a ten-month high school “exchange.” (This doesn’t count as a solo trip, because my twin sister flew with me to Sydney for our orientation, and from there, I traveled with five of my new European exchange-student friends to Perth.) This is how I met my friends Rowan, Pien, and Anna, who inspired me to travel on my own to Europe four years later.
Since Perth, I've spent almost ten additional months abroad on my own (well, as much as one can really be “on their own” while staying in hostels). Even so, I’ve felt a twinge of unease in my stomach as each of these trips approached.
On my way to Brisbane in January, 2018, I felt a jolt of panic when my mom told me she couldn’t come with me any further through the airport in DC. I… had to go through security… alone?! This would be my first time ever being truly alone, with no one waiting for me on the other side, and I suddenly felt the weight of it. I felt it again about 30 hours later, when Queensland came into view through my airplane window. What the hell was I doing?! How could I possibly have fun and enjoy the next 2–1/2 weeks when I would spend most of it ALONE?! Turn around, Captain!
In June, 2019, it hit me the night before my flight to Amsterdam that this would be my last chance (for five weeks) to binge Netflix in the privacy of my own room. I didn’t feel nearly as anxious as I had the previous year — after all, making friends in hostels and on day tours in Queensland had turned out to be much easier than I could’ve imagined. (Not to mention, I’d crossed off the two items at the very top of my bucket list — skydiving over Gold Coast and scuba diving in the Great Barrier Reef!) Even so, my nerves were heightened.
In September, 2021, it didn’t hit me until I was in the check-in line at JFK. I’d decided to fly out of New York because it was cheaper, and a few of my college friends and I had decided to make an overnight trip out of it, which had been entirely exciting and fun—up until this evening. Admittedly, I’d just spent the past hour in Queens traffic stressed about the possibility of missing my flight. But it wasn’t until I’d hugged Liam and Anders goodbye and stood alone with my backpack in the airport that it hit me: who did I think I was, flying to Croatia with a one-way ticket?! Other than two nights booked in a hostel in Split, I had no plans. For the rest of my life.
My fourth time traveling abroad alone began less than a year later, in April, 2022. Like my previous trip, I wasn’t leaving from DC, and I didn’t have a return ticket. This time, I was flying from Los Angeles to Guatemala City. I had already been “on the road” (i.e. outside of Maryland) for almost two months, so I didn’t expect to suddenly get nervous now. And yet, as soon as I woke up that Saturday morning, I couldn’t ignore the queasy feeling in my stomach. I had everything on my packing list. I had a hostel booked in Antigua. I’d researched where to buy a sim card and the cheapest way to get from the airport to my hostel. My Spanish was good enough for me to get by. I’D DONE THIS BEFORE. So why was I so anxious?!
Finally, on my last night in Maryland before flying to New Zealand only seven weeks ago, I felt the same are you sure you’re ready to give up the comfort of being able to work and read and write and sleep from your OWN bed? thought. I’d only spent one week here in my hometown in the past eight months—since before Guatemala—and it felt like one of the shortest weeks of my life.
But as soon as I arrived in the city center of Amsterdam, of Split, of Antigua, and then of Auckland, I was ecstatic. I knew I had so much adventure ahead of me, and it was suddenly clear that there wasn’t really much to be afraid of.
Now, as I prepare to board my flight to London, I think I can finally say that I’ve bypassed anxious and gone straight to ecstatic. And it only took ten cumulative months of solo travel. 😉
