Firstly, everything hurts. Excruciatingly. Especially: Your chest — from the heavy heart you can’t bear to carry anymore, and your brain — from all the doubts and anxiety of overthinking and worrying.

Secondly, silence is your enemy. The blankness of a moment and the void that is occupying the space around you makes room for negative thoughts and shattered dreams. You need some semblance of noise, to make sure things are still going on around you and you have a life to live in the midst of your sadness. Nothing, and no one stops for you. Time goes on, and people move on.

Thirdly, everything agitates you. You have become so emotionally vulnerable, that you feel a small deviation of your plans will send you into a crying fit. Your patience deteriorates and your sensitivity to bullshit heightens. That extra few seconds you have to wait for the traffic light to turn from red to green. The missing ingredient in your food. The slightest offense turns your anger into rage.

Fourthly, you learn to not expect anything, YET you are still disappointed. You tell yourself it’s not gonna happen. It’s gonna be sucky. It’s never going to be me. Of all the people who bring you down, you push yourself down the most. You KNOW it’s not going to work. But does that stop you from hoping? Does that stop your soul from longing for the things you just can’t have? No. Because maybe we’re masochists. We like the pain because it makes us feel at least something.

Fifthly, people’s emotions affect you. Not only your own, but OTHER’S. Double the trouble. When they’re feeling sad or angry or leave you in the end, all that affects you the most. Why do we care so much about the people around us? Why do we absorb their negativity and then transform it into something that kills us inside? When people say they’re done or they’ve had it and leave, it just kills me. When someone moves on to something else, I think of good times and it makes me feel even worse. Where did the times go? How did everything change? When does this end?

Sixth, things that once made you feel joy no longer gives you that same feeling. Nothing makes you happy anymore. It doesn’t feel the same. What changed? You. You changed.

Tears are very common during this phase of life. They say tears are not a sign of weakness. It’s not. But when you are crying 3 times a day, everyday? Something is wrong. Your body wants to purge out all the sadness, bitterness and anger. It is slightly cathartic sometimes, but it doesn’t heal you. You are left exhausted and resigned from crying.

Lastly, some people may not understand and tell us to just ‘snap out of it’ or ‘sleep on it’. If only it were that easy, my friends. If only it were just a switch we can manipulate to switch off the feelings and the pain that threatens to (or already has) overtake our daily lives. Unfortunately, there is no switch. There is no circuit breaker. You yourself can’t help feeling this way. It takes more than just a funny movie, an interesting conversation or a helpful friend to get you out of this perpetual funk. It takes longer than a day, it sometimes feels like forever AND a day.

You want to reach rock bottom because at least there’s nothing that can be worst than that and maybe you climb your way up. But what if there’s no bottom? This may never end. It’s a continuous spiral into darkness and gravity betrays you by pulling you further downwards.