Carmen 🌸 Sakurai
Certified Professional Life Strategist. Breakup Recovery Coach. Best selling author. Advocate for victims of NPD abuse.

Stop trying to convince the wrong people that you’re worth keeping.

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Photo by Omar Lopez on Unsplash

He was fascinating, intelligent, and fun. Someone I was excited to learn from and exchange stories of various topics. We checked in with each other almost daily, spending hours talking about anything and everything.

But suddenly, he stopped reaching out.

I didn’t really mind being the one initiating contact, so it didn’t bother me at first. Until it did.

No longer 16 and not one to beat around the bush, I asked him directly, “What’s going on? Is everything alright?”

The thing is… I asked, even though my intuition already told me he no longer needed a temporary distraction. …

Heal your heart to become emotionally available.

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Photo by Anthony Tran on Unsplash

Many professional life coaches, including myself, land in this field after investing years searching for answers to heal their own brokenness. I, for one, specialize in breakup recovery for adult survivors of childhood traumas because I’ve “lived” in this space for so long.

My kryptonite? Relationships with emotionally unavailable men.

Thinking back, they all fit a very specific mold.

The tall, strong and handsome man… so very talented and well-spoken. Everything about him was perfection — except that he talked so much about himself and his life, it seemed he never found time to ask about me.

Not to mention all the broken promises, future faking, the constant hot & cold, and insensitive comments. When I would speak up to let him know his words and behaviors strained my heart, he…

Your worth is not based on what you can do for others.

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What Is Codependency?

Also known as “relationship addiction,” the codependent is addicted to relationships and the validation they get from them. They will do whatever it takes, including sacrificing their own personal needs and well-being, to keep receiving this validation.

Root Cause of Codependency

Codependency is usually rooted during childhood. The child grows up in a home where their emotions are ignored or punished because the parent (or parents) suffer from mental illness, addiction, or other issues. This emotional neglect results in a child having low self-esteem, lack of self-worth, and shame.

Some common characteristics of dysfunctional families:

  • Unsafe & unsupported. The non-dysfunctional parent usually becomes the enabler, always standing behind the abusive parent. The children are left to believe they are not worthy of protection. …

This positivity revolution is biting us (and our babies) in the butt.

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Photo by Soragrit Wongsa on Unsplash

It was during my son’s junior year in high school (about 3 years ago)… he asked to confide in me about something he was concerned about.

He hasn’t been feeling consistently “happy”… sometimes, waking up in the morning feeling sad, indifferent, grumpy…

Is this depression, mom?

I asked him how he was feeling about school… friends… hobbies… recharge time… and while understandably he felt some pressure regarding school, there was no cause for alarm as a whole.

No, sweetie… it’s called, being a teenager. 🙂

This positivity revolution is biting us (and our babies) in the butt.

We try so hard to promote being NOT SAD, kids are now starting to think feeling anything but “joy” means there’s something wrong with them. …

Do it to get yourself back. Not to get back with your ex.

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Photo by Tim Mossholder on Unsplash

Feeling abandoned and unwanted. Having to change routines that we shared for years. The “Good morning, my queen!” texts that stopped arriving. No longer having my very own person…

The most difficult part about breakups? For me, it was how difficult it was to detach and recover. I still cringe about the countless days where I could barely function — and as a single mom and business owner, that was not an option.

But focusing on mending a broken heart is not easy.

Whether you were broken up with or did the breaking up, it’s only human to fix your attention on the ex and the failed relationship after a breakup. …

Help your little ones cope in this big, scary world.

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Photo by Austin Pacheco on Unsplash

Whether it’s nose-picking, nail-biting, or lip chewing — almost all children develop a less-than-pleasant habit at some point. These habits are often the child’s attempt at self-soothing to ease tension, anxiety, or boredom.

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Photo by Ryan Franco on Unsplash

Whatever the reason, even the most laid back of parents can become irritated at these behaviors and resort to scolding, punishing, and even shaming their child to put a stop to it.

However, if this behavior is dealt with negatively, it could hurt your child’s self-esteem and leave them feeling resentful and discouraged.

Wait. There’s hope!

According to the University of Michigan C.S. …

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Photo by Greg Raines on Unsplash

I truly enjoy your company — in small doses.

Growing up, I was told I was shy. I favored sitting quietly with my thoughts over articulating them to someone else. I loved listening to others share their thoughts as I visualized their words into masterpieces in my head. The adults labeled me as being shy, so of course, I believed it.

As I got older, family and friends would complain that I’m antisocial. While I’ve always enjoyed being a part of holiday get-togethers and special celebrations, I stayed clear of almost all casual invitations in between. …

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Photo by George Pagan III on Unsplash

Because the world doesn’t stop just because I’m not “feelin’ it”.

Motivation comes in waves.

Some days we find ourselves ready to take over the world as soon as we open our eyes. We make big plans, get the project started, and feel an overwhelming sense of excitement because we’re finally going to make this happen!

Then we wake up the next day and… nuthin’.

We try to go through the same steps and motions we did the day before, but for some reason, we’re just not “feelin’ it.” Perhaps we’re not ready to take on this project? Maybe we need to rethink our plan of action?

So we sweep our big, exciting project aside for yet another time and begin scrolling through Instagram and YouTube videos. Three months later, this project has become something we definitely want to do someday. …

Set yourself up for a happier, more successful day.

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Photo by Samantha Gades on Unsplash

What you do and think during the first hour after you wake up sets the tone for the entire day. Here are a few empowering thoughts to feed your mind first thing in the morning for a better, happier, and more successful day!

1. Today Is a New Day

Regardless of whether your yesterday was a good day or a bad day… heck, even if the last 3 months straight have been a wreck, today is a brand new day! Your past does not limit what is possible for you to achieve from this day forward. …

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Unable to decide on what I should write about for my first entry here on Medium, I turned to Quota.

Apparently one of the most viewed question on the popular Q&A website was, “What can I learn/know right now in 10 minutes that will be useful for the rest of my life?” so I figured this was a good place to start.

Being that I’m a life strategist, primary grade religious education teacher, and a single mom to an insanely active premed, I depend on life hacks to simplify & make my life more efficient, as well as keep me from total overwhelm. …

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