CAROspace | Risky Winds

Maybe I shouldn’t do this.

Maybe it’s not right.

But is there a right or wrong?

Or just a choice to make between two different lives? //

Maybe I’m holding back.

Cause I’m scared of being alone.

But I’ll never get anywhere,

If I let fear keep me from all my unknowns. //

This song was written about my relationship with my first boyfriend. We started seeing each other when I was a freshman at uni and we dated for three years! He was a year older than me, so when it was time for him to graduate and start med school miles away, we had a decision to make. Breaking up was one of the hardest things I have ever gone through. That experience taught me an incredible amount about myself, my dreams, what I needed and what I wanted out of life. Post breakup I went through a season of searching for my identity because it was like finding who I was again- so much of me was tied up in him and those vital growing years we spent together.

More broadly, this song is about how we come to crossroads in our lives where we must make choices. How we look at decisions we made in the past and see how they affect us now. I am scared of a lot of things, like I was scared of breaking up and an unknown future. Fear is a habit, resistance is a pattern, indecision is a familiar for me. But I’m learning- step by sandy, squishy, sometimes shallow, sometimes swallowing step- to stop standing in the way of myself. To give up standing still. To make a choice, own it, and move forward towards that huge ocean of possibilities. I will always carry the sand I have saved along with me, but I have loved walking on the sand that is in front of me, waiting to be stepped on, waiting to be discovered.