*I wrote this piece five months ago, needing a release. I was feeling heavy with hurt in this world and questioning where I stood with God. Deciding to post it now because I am coming out of that season of grief and uncertainty about my future. My life is still chaotic and unknown, but I am understanding more and more that God has brought me into a chapter of rest and restoration here in LA and has always been carrying me under his wing. This piece is a testament to God’s workings in my life and on my heart. There is no shame in questioning, mourning, fighting, and learning about the Lord. He is still there with you through it all. If you want to talk more or ask questions, feel free to contact me: can09a@acu.edu
December 19, 2016 at 00:39
I’ve been scared of writing. Not just songwriting, but article writing and journal writing too. I used to journal almost every day.
I’ve been avoiding writing. Definitely songwriting. Somewhere hidden away I know that songwriting is one of the realest things I know, and I just can’t write what’s real right now.
Maybe because I’m having trouble with reality and it scares me to write because I don’t know where to start. I had this thought tonight, “Well, if I don’t have anything to write because I’m scared of writing, maybe I should write about that.” Okay.
Here I am, the avoidant, scaredy cat. Writing now, because I’ve avoided things long enough. And I can’t go on like this. With so much inside me that it boils over even when I don’t turn the kettle…
