Growing Up White

Caroline H
Jul 23, 2017 · 3 min read

Growing up white is weird. It’s easy. It makes you kind of blind. Especially if you grow up in a very sheltered place. We sometimes struggle to see people’s challenges in our society because we don’t have them, but most of the time it’s white people who are causing those challenges and problems.

We know that no one is born racist. No one judges someone based off skin color unless they are taught that. Someone in class mentioned that they are uncomfortable when older white people talk about race. It sounds strange because anyone can talk about race but I agree. I feel like all the old white people I have come to know have some kind of racist views. However since judging people based on color is not the norm anymore, I feel they are just giving us what we want to hear. If someone is taught something from the time they are young it’s going to stick with them. Their views aren’t going to change. For example, we all know I have an openly racist uncle. He is open about his views and he gets a lot of shit for it from young people if I am being honest. His wife, my aunt, claims she is not racist and that she would never judge someone based off of their skin color. Yet, she grew up in the same time and the same town as my uncle. I know their views are the same but she is just giving us what we want to hear because she knows thats not normal anymore. However, just by taking a few scrolls through her Facebook profile I can tell 100% that she judges people based off race. She shares things from her local police station’s page a lot but the only things she shares are “young black man robs gas station, black man runs away with 15 year old girl, suspicious black male seen outside neighborhood”. This shows me and the whole world that she judges based off race. She views black people as criminals, as bad people. I feel ashamed to have these people as a part of my family. I love them but I feel guilt and shame that they judge people so harshly based off skin color.

I feel this relates to the readings from this week “On Being White” and “White Man’s Guilt”. There is a lot of guilt for being white sometimes. It sounds strange saying that but when the topic of slavery and civil rights come up how can I not feel guilty for what white people did back then? I can’t change it and I know I personally did nothing but I think the guilt will always be there. Also how am I supposed to not feel bad when a friend and I go shopping and I have millions of make up options to choose from and she has none. How am I supposed to feel when she gets followed around and stared at in the store when no one looks my direction? I feel bad. I feel guilty. Another things that’s hard (and this sounds kind of mean) is that during high school black boys in my school would declare their love for white girls and only white girls. They would say horrible cruel things about black girls. It created a sort of unspoken feud between the black girls and white girls. The black girls were upset, and they had a right to be, but I personally didn’t know how to fix the situation. I felt guilty. I was the white girl that these boys were claiming they liked. People are allowed to have their preference in what they want their partner to look like but proclaiming it in such a way that makes others feel bad about themselves and their skin color made it hard for both groups to get along because it was always a hot topic. Thankfully by junior year the boys who began that in my school were kicked out but that will always be in the back of my mind. It was sad and I still feel guilty for it.