Working With Your Partner: 5 Rules To Protect Your Relationship

How do you reconcile your life as a couple in the office? I share with you the rules for surviving in the workplace while preserving your relationship.

Photo de Elina Fairytale

Who wants to work with their partner? Spend all morning or all night in bed with your partner.
Who could work with their spouse? Apply for a job with the same company and be sure of being accepted, whether you choose to keep quiet or reveal your relationship to your employer.

I’d like to tell you about the four years I spent working with my partner at two different companies, and how we managed to preserve our intimacy (and our relationship).

It’s January 2019, and the last few months have been difficult for me. I left my previous job reluctantly, and for several weeks I’ve been looking for the offer that will match my search and the company that will agree to hire me.

As the days go by, the gloom sets in and my morale is at half-mast.

It’s like winter in the Bordeaux business park. The sky is the color of the buildings.

I approach the entrance to the company that contacted me a few days earlier.

There are moments that change the rest of your life.

I meet a man’s gaze. He’s wrapped up in his winter coat, smoking a cigarette.
I can’t remember the time or the day.

Just that icy-blue stare.

I come out an hour later. I’ve just landed the job.

Four years have passed since then.
And I see those blue eyes almost every morning when I drink my coffee.

Here are 5 commandments that could save your relationship.

1. You’re the only one interested in your relationship

Your colleagues don’t want to know about your love life. Out of curiosity perhaps, but then again.

How you met, your arguments and your plans don’t belong in a chat room. Keep this in mind.

You risk fuelling gossip, making certain colleagues uncomfortable or creating tension, even jealousy.

For example:
When I first met my partner at this company, a long-standing colleague had her eye on him.
When she learned that he and I were having an affair, she became very distant from him and simply refused to speak to me.
She would confide her sadness to another colleague who would pass on the messages to us.
This can only be counterproductive.

It’s your secret garden. Be discreet.

2. Respect a certain modesty in your gestures

You need to respect a physical distance and a verbal distance.

Don’t touch hands or brush against each other.
Avoid insistent glances.

Nicknames like “darling”, “chouchou”, “doudou” are not welcome. This seems obvious, especially if you want to keep your relationship to yourself.

For example:
I met a couple who kept calling each other by little nicknames.
They lost their focus during negotiations, almost bickering with each other, and we no longer took them seriously.
We hadn’t signed that contract and it was reassuring not to stick my nose into their relationship.

Keep in mind that you’re at work, not in your personal life.

3. Work together to build your professional future

You’re colleagues, but you don’t work in the same field?

Help each other become better people.

It’s a chance to learn from each other, to help each other progress. Allow yourselves to discover things you wouldn’t have been able to understand without your other half.

You have the time to question each other, to delve into a subject, to make mistakes.

There are 2 of you, so stick together and build your strength together.

For example:
We spent time helping each other. He explained his business processes and tools, and took the time to show me.
In turn, I explained the terminology and best practices.
Together, we have a 360° view.
To this day, when I have a doubt in my working day, I call him.

Alone we go fast, together we go far.

4. Don’t be jealous of colleagues

Your other half gets on well with that charming office neighbor. Or with that great consultant.
Don’t see evil everywhere.

It’s only natural. And it’s even healthy to cultivate social relationships.

Do the same, you’ll have plenty to talk about!

For example:
Several colleagues are vying for a colleague’s heart. Low blows, pettiness and discomfort for everyone…

There’s nothing worse than a bad atmosphere at work.

5. Support your partner’s choices and don’t hold back your careers

Your partner wants to learn a new trade. This professional project will involve investment on his or her part, with travel, extra working time, stress and apprehension.

Encourage your partner. He or she needs to feel supported and helped in the process.

There are life choices you’ll have to accept and concessions you’ll have to make.

Is your partner not pushing you in this direction?
Talk it over together and try to find common ground.
Otherwise, I regret to say that your partner may not be the right person for you.

For example:
I left people who didn’t support my choices. I wanted to spend time raising myself professionally and these people didn’t support me.
Rather than fight, I decided to cut ties.
And if I had to do it all over again. I’d do it again.

Only you can decide what’s right for you.

Special case:
6. You have a hierarchical relationship

Caution, danger.

Make sure your relationship is capable of withstanding injunctions, orders and evaluations.

Don’t create a power relationship between you. You risk being crushed by your other half’s position.

The best thing to do in this situation:

• Don’t talk about it around you, as it could damage your relationship.
• Establish rules and limits that must not be exceeded
• Don’t be subjective or emotional in your day-to-day management.
• Remain objective at all costs, and back up all your decisions with facts.

The best thing to do is to discuss the matter in depth before accepting the position or continuing down this path.

For example:
I had my spouse working under me for several months. I left this uncomfortable position.
With my partner, we don’t have the same way of working, the same rhythm.
What I can impose on him in his personal life is more difficult to impose in his professional life.

So, protect yourself and shield yourself.
You’re in a highly turbulent zone!

My return after 4 years as a couple/colleague

My partner is my driving force.

We: train, support, listen to each other, put up with each other, make the most of each other…

Despite the tensions at work, he knows how to listen to my outbursts in difficult moments.

Work has always spilled over into our personal lives.
Despite this, our love life has hardly ever spilled over into our work days.

We are both passionate about what we do.
We enjoy talking for long hours about current affairs and our professional projects.

We strongly believe that work can be fun, and that it can help us achieve our personal ambitions.

Because before being production machines, we are first and foremost a couple who love each other.

But this mutual trust, our empathy and our ability to listen, has enabled us to propel projects into space.
We’re very complementary, and we’ve done some of our best projects together.

We trust and respect each other’s work.
Today, we’re working on launching a company.

What the law says in USA :

ChatGPT extract

There is no specific law governing romantic relationships in the workplace.

1. Sexual harassment: Romantic relationships must be based on mutual consent, and there must be no pressure, coercion or professional advantage linked to a romantic relationship. If one of the parties feels harassed or pressured, he or she may lodge a complaint.
2. Discrimination: Employers must avoid showing preference or favoring employees based on their romantic relationships. Discrimination based on romantic status is illegal in US.
3. Conflict of interest: Romantic relationships between colleagues can create conflicts of interest, particularly if one person is in a position to supervise the other or make professional decisions concerning the other. In such situations, it may be necessary to disclose the relationship and take steps to avoid any conflict.
4. Company policy: Many companies have internal policies governing romantic relationships between employees. It’s important to respect these policies and comply with company rules.
5. Confidentiality: It is essential to maintain the confidentiality of sensitive company information, even within a romantic relationship with a colleague. Unauthorized disclosure of confidential information can have serious consequences.

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