Sixty is the New Sixty #theyearbefore60

Since this last turn of the century, baby boomers, so terrified of aging tried to put a new spin on it. When I turned 50 I was told it was the new forty. I’m sure next year I will be told 60 is the new 50. But honestly…it’s 60. And that’s ok.

I’m in good shape, a little chubby, plus I exercise 5 times a week. If I didn’t go to the gym I’d be 800 pounds. Seriously, I like to eat. That’s how you know you really are aging. Because the weight just stays there. My husband and I like to look at aging rock stars and play a game called “ Who Stopped Doing Cocaine?” Try it, it’s tons of fun and a great time waster.

When I was in my 20’s I could eat whatever I wanted and not gain weight. I remember when I would film a TV spot I couldn’t wait to hit the craft services table when I was done. Those days are so in my rear view mirror I can’t even turn my neck to see them. The older chubby people on the film crew would watch me stuff my face with such jealousy. I know they were thinking “You just wait Missy, it’ll happen to you one day”

As a comedian, my favorite time to eat is after a show. All those years of doing 1 AM spots and then going to a diner for eggs with the other comics has been ingrained in me. So when I’m wide awake at 1 AM now my first reaction is to grab something to nosh. But nooooooo. It will sit in my gut, since I go to bed soon after, and appear somewhere on my ass at the end of the week. Plus the heartburn makes sure I don’t get a good night’s sleep anyway.

God, I miss sleep. One of my “sons” from Vegas just had a baby. I wrote to him “Congrats on never sleeping again” Cause you won’t EVER. After your child is grown up and you think OK now to catch up on some ZZZZZ’S. Surprise!!! Now you have to deal with your body waking you for no reason. When that happens I can’t fall back asleep so I am wide awake ready to take on the world and it’s still dark outside. I mean youngsters are coming home from the bars dark outside. Quiet on the streets dark outside.

It’s FUCKING DARK OUTSIDE. And I want to do something but I can’t cause IT’S DARK OUTSIDE. So I’m wide awake and wired. It’s like cocaine without the weight loss. Man, I should’ve been a rockstar.