Noel story part 2, ONS and F+
What the f*&k is ONS and F+?
If you want to read My love story with Noel part 1, here it goes: My love story with Noel.
My flight was departing from Dublin, the same city the guy who broke my heart was living in. I could have wished bumped into him by accident, but all I could think was the bus hiting him. I guess we all go through this phases, there is the angry one when you wish the guy who broke your heart choke while eating pizza. And even though this was my desire, I was still looking for him with my eyes through the window.
I was hoping to eat a slice of Sachertorte while drinking tea in the cafe where Freud spent lots of his time daydreaming, but I ended up all wet inside a random church in the center of Vienna. The cold wasn´t very good for my brain, I think the brain stopped working for some minutes, it was when I decided to write another message to Noel. I am pretty sure if God had the form of a human, he would have raised one eyebrow and questioned my decision, but he was also the one who told me, go on girl, do it, do whatever you feel in your heart, if you have to go all the way down to the floor, just be there for a while.
More than 300 words to describe how miserable I felt when he suddenly stopped talking to me after sending me pictures of his non tanned legs and saying how special I was. I just wanted him to know everyone deserves closure, or maybe I just wanted him to feel bad.
I am almost sure, 300 words were not enough. I was not expecting any answer and no longer needed any explanation, but I wonder what he would have tought or felt while reading my message, after 6 months. He kindly replied saying he was not good with words and understanding of feelings as I am and said sorry, not sure he felt sorry, but I will never know it. I guess there was nothing left to say, but he kept insisting on making the same mistake, asking about things he was not interested about: me. At this time I was inside the Hofburg palace, observing the silver collection, I had this audio guide with me, and I was not paying attention to anything anymore, but the voice from the audio tour was helping me to remain calm, until the moment I realized I was talking to the voice, as if it could understand me.
We were eating at a restaurant, my friend, her friends and I, sharing our love stories with each other. The youngest one suggested me to install Tinder again and said that people from Vienna are quit peculiar.
Boom, boom, boom! What the f&%k? So many matches in such a short period of time. I thought their biography would be a bit more interesting but I guess height is some thing that matters there.
Plink, plink. The conversation was something like this:
Me: Servus (Hello).
Tinder guy: freut mich, wie ist dein tag gewesen (Nice to meet you, how was your day?).
Me: Nice to meet you too. Sorry, I don´t speak German. My day was good, how about yours?
The Tinder guy kept answering me in German and explained what he was looking for on Tinder, but he wrote something saying he wanted F+.
Me, in my mind: What the f%&k is F+? The girls also didn´t know, but we guessed it was friends with benefits.
Me: This is exactly what I am looking for but I only fuck in Portuguese or English.
So he started writing in English and got my Whatsapp number.
Tinder guy: Do you like dirty talk?
Me: Not with strangers.
Tinder guy: You have to try new things. What do you like in bed?
Me: Connection, and you?
Tinder guy: I like dominant women who take the initiative. I do not like women who shave their pussy. How about you? What do you like the most in a guy?
Me: Oh, oh. I like shoulders. My shoulders are beautiful too, sligthly burnt from the sun. Eyes as well.
…
I slept. I opened Tinder again in the morning. Boom, boom, boom! Started talking to another guy and the conversation was pretty much the same, I was a bit scared. We both knew we wanted to have sex but why do people need to be so direct? But, WAIT! That was what I was asking for, truth, no games. Why is all of this so confusing?
This second guy I started talking to looked like he came straight from a fashion show. He was fucking handsome. And out of nowhere he decided to send me a pic of his dick next to a bottle of Malibu, what the f&*k? I was not sure if it was funny or scary, “too big to fit in here”. I even asked if I had to pay for anything, was it real? Why I was doubting it?
I am on fiiiire. Another guy, another chat. This one had this bio: Looking for ONS. Please, Internet God, help me here again, what is ONS? Saint Google answered the question: One night stand. People here are direct to the point. But I asked that, right?
We only want the truth, honesty, and when we have it, it feels weird. Are we playing a game? Are we following the rules? I am a troublemaker, I do not follow rules, unless is Batman rules. I decided to give it a go, but I had a flight to catch.
I wish I could have fucked in the airplane toilet, but I was happy to have just sticked with who I really am, I do need to connect with people to fuck them. But, wait again, who is being real and who is not? I thought Noel was acting all the time, but maybe he was being himself, and I realized that just after I get a birthday message, some days after the Vienna trip. It was from a beautiful soul I have met in a community I lived in South Brazil. There was this part of the message that says: “Estou tão orgulhoso de você!!! (I am so proud of you!!!) First of all for living out there.. taking chances, falling down, getting up, making mistakes, learning who you are and what you value.. giving stars in your agenda for such awesome and unique things.. I was laughing to see — Kindness, ballet moves, silly behaviour.. After all this is the partner you enjoy the most.. so take all these fake certifications and just concentrate on what makes your heart bounce.”
And everything made sense again. Maybe life is this, we get lost, we find our way home, we get lost, we find our way to our hearts.