Have you ever wondered why so many of us find it a tad tough to accept or give a compliment ?
Especially in a country like ours, there are long drawn, deep-seated cultural influences that have also reinforced this behavior too.
If you look at the way we have evolved into the country we are today, several centuries of empire rule, caste distinction, and then the Raj have been some of the many ways we have been led to believe :
- Don't Question, just do
- Don't ask why
- There is someone above you and someone below you, so you know how that plays out for you.,no ?
- Be someone, otherwise you are no one
Another influencing factor is the concept of the Stroke Economy.
Facebook's founder designed it's ( this ) platform basis that. What he didn't or failed to get from one woman became a monstrous reason to show how strokes ( a tool defined by one school of thought in Psychology ) can and will be given by many others.
While growing up if we are taught that 'It is wrong to do this or that ', we grow up being conditioned to believe it is so.
And unless we grow up aware and challenging those beliefs, we pretty much live out life in that unconscious and unquestioned state of - that being the truth.
Accepting or Giving Strokes ( here the example we are referring to is appreciation ) is hard for many of us.
We either cringe at the thought of allowing someone to compliment us. We feel small, while craving it or secretly enjoying how it makes us feel deep down.
The memories of shame, guilt and embarrassment flood us into feeling instant rejection of appreciation.
The partner to this belief is ' How can I give a compliment ?' OR ' 'Why should I compliment ?'
Strokes are very powerful.
Most of our lives are based on getting and giving either positive ones ( Compliments, appreciation ) or negative ones ( shaming, embarrassing, criticizing )
How does it help us to know this ?
Once we become conscious of this, we can shift our thoughts and behavior towards ones which are more meaningful, progressive and positively impactful.
Can you imagine what it would feel like :
To accept a compliment comfortably ?
To appreciate someone joyfully and willingly - without the thought of loss to yourself ?
Many homes, schools and workplaces could have dramatic shifts in culture with a shift in belief system towards Positive strokes - Appreciation.
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