Human Design + Tapping helped me find the love of my life.
From dysfunctional relationships and abuse to finding my way into a safe, loving, committed relationship.
Last week I saw a photo pop up on Facebook and I was in shock.
Usually, when these “memories” show up I have reason to smile or be grateful as I remember something wonderful I did or someone awesome I spent time with. But when I saw this photo from eight years ago I felt… a lot of things, disbelief being one of them.
It was a photo of a man and me who were, for several years, close friends. We were sitting on his bed, looking at the camera with the closeness of a couple but only a few suburbs away was his on-again, off-again girlfriend.
Fair to say, he and I had a messy friendship.
Over the years I learned so very much from him. In so many ways, he was a spiritual teacher in disguise. He probably contributed more to improving my self-esteem than any other person in the same decade.
But his behaviours around sex were even more unhealthy than mine and the few times we strayed into sexual territory it was clear to me that, as powerful as his charisma was, this was not a good idea for either of us.
I have a few photos of us like that one, with our faces close together, staring genuinely into the camera with big smiles and happy eyes. It would have been easy on any of these occasions for onlookers to think we were best friends. For a while there, we were probably were.
So why was it so unsettling for me to see this photo?
It had less to do with seeing his face and more to do with the fact that it was only eight years ago.
I simply could not believe how much had changed.
In thinking about sharing this story publicly, I did the math, and realised something even more astounding: things got worse before they got better. 18 months after that photo, this man who had been a very dear friend, introduced me to another “friend” of his one night, and his friend took it upon himself to find a way into my car, my bed and my body without my permission.
I was reeling for weeks.
Sadly, this was not the first time I’d been assaulted but the fact that it had happened again with everything I already knew about myself, my relationships, my patterns — I was appalled. And I’d had enough. In the past, I’d felt so overwhelmed by the experience that I was frozen, stuck and couldn’t do anything. This time I had more capacity. This time I was less frozen and could finally get angry enough to do f*cking something about it.
And it started with stepping back from my darling friend in the photo, who I realised couldn’t really be that good for me if he had friends like that…
I also took a very long hard look in the mirror and saw three big important things:
- I had been lacking integrity in regards to my own behaviour.
More than once I’d been willing to be with men who were not wholly available. And while I felt shame around this, I decided to get curious and quickly realised why I was doing it: I was desperate for attention and was willing to get it almost anywhere.
2. I had not been ‘waiting for the invitation’, as per the Human Design Strategy for me as a Projector.
At that point, I had known about and had been teaching HD for a few years already but I was sooooo struggling to live what I was teaching. I could see that every time I’d landed in a less-than-ideal (or downright dangerous) situation with a man it had been because I had initiated the contact.
{Let me be very, very clear for a moment here for my fellow humans who have been violated in some way. The point above is meant to highlight the role I played in putting myself in the wrong place, at the wrong time, with the wrong humans for me. It is not to assign blame or fault. If you’ve read the point above and it feels like I’m blaming you for the cruelties you may have suffered, that is absolutely not my intention here.
What I want to point out is that Human Design can help us to be in the right place at the right time to gain access to the right opportunities for us and that there are real-life and sometimes awful circumstances that can come about when we don’t follow the correct life path for us. That is the bit that is in our control. And that is the bit I focused on changing in my own life, to my wonderful current day, as you will soon discover.}
3. I had not been valuing myself, my time or my precious human body anywhere near enough.
I didn’t know how exactly I was going to do better at this, but by this stage, I’d already been playing with various versions of tapping for a couple of years so I had a sense that something in that body of work was going to help me.
Fast forward to today, and I write this story as I stand at a desk that my partner made for me soon after I moved into his home, here in Brisbane, Australia.
I moved here, from Sydney, because he invited me. We started dating because he invited me. And I only genuinely considered him as a possible partner because when I initially said ‘no’ to him, he accepted it.
He didn’t push me to do what he wanted (as others had). He didn’t block me on all social media (as others had). And he didn’t make me wrong for it (as others had). Instead, he said he hoped he could still be my friend.
Our romantic relationship began more than five years ago because I had successfully transformed the patterns I mentioned above around (1) integrity, (2) waiting for invitations, and (3) valuing myself.
I was finally able to say ‘no’ and that was the beginning of the healthiest romantic relationship I’ve ever had in my whole life.
One thing that is not talked about nearly often enough in Human Design teachings is how vitally important it is to learn how to value, honour and respect yourself. You could call it self-love or you could call it, “I’m f*cking awesome and if you don’t realise that you need to take a hike, buddy!”… whichever one works for you :P
Really, it’s the same thing: it’s a deep connection to your own innate value as a human being.
It’s realising that you deserve to be treated well because you exist.
It’s knowing, deep in your bones, that you’re allowed to live your life, including your relationships, in a way that works for you.
It’s recognising that you have something unique to offer the world that you and you alone were born with something that is inherently valuable.
You are inherently valuable.
But if you’re struggling to find a partner, or transform your dysfunctional patterns, or have a love life that makes you so happy you’re willing to write a two thousand-word email essay about it (:P) then I know you don’t really believe that four-word sentence above.
Therefore, that is your work.
To attract, receive and live your life with a partner you adore (and who adores you back), you have to get to a place where you love you so much that you will put up with nothing less. It’s a simple concept, that has been touted for hundreds if not thousands of years, in various forms but to actually live it? Far out, isn’t that a journey and a half?!
While there are endless books on this subject the biggest thing that helped me improve how much I value myself has been tapping. And while the version of tapping I have developed and do now (Trauma Informed Tapping) is different from any of the options that exist online, many versions of tapping will help.
As long as you actually use them. And use them often.
This change doesn’t happen overnight. It’s an incredibly rare circumstance for a person to suddenly have an on-the-spot, life-changing breakthrough that causes them to go from self-loathing to self-love all in one go. To this day, I’ve still never met someone who has experienced this. What I have seen though, again and again and again, is people who, like me, made small improvements, most days and over years their self worth has improved so much that the version of themselves they see in a photo from eight years ago seems unrecognisable to them.
It didn’t take me eight years to find my love.
In reality, the period of radical transformation that took me from abuse to genuine love was about 14 months.
It might take you less time. It might take you more time. No one can know such things.
But what I do know is that to make this kind of change will require:
- Being willing to look in the mirror and see which things are in your control to change, then
- Using a deconditioning/healing tool, like tapping, to find and unhook one pesky piece of rubbish at a time, and
- Staying the path until you have the love you want and, that you deserve.
You deserve good things.
You deserve to know what it’s like to be held and loved and appreciated like you’re the most important person in the whole world. I want you to know what that’s like if that’s something you’ve never experienced and that it’s possible to have such a thing. And I want you to know how to get that for yourself.
So before I wrap up this (as usual) very long story, please know this:
When it comes to letting love into your life, it doesn’t matter which Human Design Type you are.
It doesn’t matter if you know your chart inside-out and back-to-front, or if you found HD just yesterday. It doesn’t matter if you have multiple certifications and are teaching it to others or if you still don’t know exactly what the terms “Type”, “Strategy” and “Inner Authority” mean. I want you to know it’s possible for basically* everyone, with any Human Design configuration, to have a partner who loves them in this life.
{*If you’re an alien, do let me know. Maybe you’re the exception :P}
BUT if you don’t learn how to value yourself you’ll never be able to live your design well enough to enter the right (romantic) relationship for you.
- Manifestors, have to initiate and inform to bring their best love into their life. (And when they don’t value themselves enough they tend to not initiate for fear of rejection, or not inform… for fear of rejection!)
- Generators and Man Gens, have to respond with their gut truth to find their love mate. (And when they don’t love themselves enough they tend to say ‘yes’ when they want to say ‘no’ and ‘no’ when they’d dearly love to say ‘yes’).
- Reflectors, have to be in the right space, with the right people who will let them take a whole lunar cycle (or two or three!) to enter the right relationship for them. (And when they don’t value themselves sufficiently they tend to give into other people’s timelines and stay in relationships and environments that don’t nourish them).
- And Projectors — you guessed it — have to wait for a real, genuine invitation from someone who truly sees and values them if they’re ever going to find their soul mate. (And if they don’t love themselves enough they don’t wait. They respond and initiate and make a right old mess as they try to get attention in all the wrong ways, as I know all too well).
As much as I teach about Human Design, I have come to realise that someone can know all the things about Human Design and still not get what they want.
That’s why I have been making more and more content about tapping on my YouTube channel and why I’m delighted when clients who already know about HD choose to start doing tapping sessions with me. Because I want you to experience what it’s like to have a loving partner in your life — who loves you for you!
But far out, do I want you to get there a little easier than I did!!
If you’ve read this far, you must like my rambling storytelling style :P and you must also really want to resolve this issue in your life. In that case, I suggest picking one of these options:
- Get started by watching free stuff in the playlist (a mix of tapping videos I’ve made over the last few years) here.
- Or get personalised support, learning my most up-to-date tapping content from me directly in session here.
With love,
Caroline.
P.S. This article was originally an email sent out to my subscribers. It was so well received I realised it needed to be shared with more people. To ensure you never miss out on a story like this, join us here.
