confessions of a pasty-faced 20-something

For those of you out there whom — like me — suffer from a lack of skin pigmentation, you know it becomes especially more pronounced in late summer. The juxtaposition between you and the select golden unattainables (aka literally everyone else) heightens immensely. While they relax peacefully away in the warm sun skimming some fun beach read, you toss around on your towel reluctantly awaiting the consequences of applying sunscreen less than SPF 100. I feel your pain. I’m basically the embodiment of a random grocery store purchase consisting of an Elmer’s glue bottle and a tomato. There’s no in-between for my skin tone.

But for those of you who don’t understand (those that say things like, “you’ll look so young when you’re older”), I have a bone to pick with you. Please, for the love of all with skin resembling a stick of chalk, do not — I repeat, do NOT — act upon any impulse to point out a sunburn. Fun fact: while our skin may seem ghostly transparent devoid of any sense of physicality, we can actually feel burns. Crazy, right?!

While it may seem to you that you are bringing something critical to our attention, I can pretty much guarantee you we actually already found out about our sunburn when we spent the entire night before soaking in aloe vera cursing the name of friends who did a half-ass job sloppily plastering sunscreen on our backs. Oh, and it f***ing hurts like Hell dumped its entire soul content onto your shoulders.

So please, I beg you, next time refrain from pointing out the obvious.

Thank you.

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