Five ways to stop, drop, and be present with your kids

Here’s a scenario that might sound eerily familiar: the buzzer on the dryer has just gone off to signal the end of the “fluffing” cycle for the fifth time today; the cupboards and fridge are so bare, there’s actually an echo when someone in your family exclaims “there’s nothing to eat in here!”; the crumbs scattered across the kitchen floor are so old that even the dog won’t touch them; and there’s one email sitting in your drafts that’s been nagging at the back of your mind all day.
You get the picture: you’ve got a lot to do and only so much time to do it.
But then in walk your kids, looking for something to do…with you.
So you put the broom down and head out to the park but are you really there with them or is your mind still on the disaster that you call a kitchen? Are you sneaking glances at your phone in between watching your daughter’s death-defying monkey bar routine? Or are you making a grocery list in your mind as you push the baby around in the stroller?
I’ve definitely been guilty of all of that.
As a mother of three with a part-time job, my only chance of survival is to always be at least one step ahead. That means cooking dinners the night before, essentially running a laundromat, and making lists upon lists upon lists. My lists have lists!
For the most part, this strategy helps to keep me from falling behind. The only problem is that I am rarely in the present. I’m so focused on what I need to do next that it’s hard to enjoy what’s right there in front of me: my kids, who at this precious and fleeting age, actually want my attention. They want to hang out with me.
In the long run, I don’t want my kids to only remember me at the kitchen sink, down in the laundry room, or pushing around a vacuum that is drowning out the sound of their seventh episode of Wild Kratts (but at least they’re learning something). In the short run, I don’t want to be doing those things until 11 pm every night without time to spare for myself or to spend with my husband.
So how does one take a break from the constant grind that is adulting to be truly present with their kids?
For me, the answer lies in learning to let go a little; to just stop, drop, and be present:
#1: Think like a kid
My kids aren’t going to appreciate the decisions that I make until they get to be parents themselves and are faced with the same demands and time crunches that I am. Sometimes I have to think about what is important to them in that moment and chances are it isn’t booking their dentist appointments. It’s painting a picture, playing Go Fish, or turning the living room upside down to build a fort.
#2: Quality of time is more important than quantity of time
I’ve started to realize that one hour of total and complete focus on my kids and what we’re doing together is so much better than spending a whole day with them but being distracted by other things. That means putting my phone out of arm’s reach and my mental to-do list on hold.
Besides, kids have the attention span the size of those tiny elastics that are used for braces so they’ll be running off in another direction in no time. How are you going to turn those brief moments into lasting memories?
#3: Turn a blind eye to the mess for as long as you can stand to
This is a tough one for me because the amount of dishes in the sink is a direct correlation to my blood pressure. But in the grand scheme of things, leaving the laundry or dusting for another day is not the end of the world if it means more quality time spent with the people who are your world. Besides, a messy house is a good excuse to leave and go out for ice cream.
#4: Outsource chores to free up your time
I love trips to the grocery store because I usually go solo and it’s money that I can spend without guilt — I mean, we need to eat. But since many stores have started offering online grocery shopping, I’ve happily relinquished the poking and prodding of produce to a stranger who gets paid to do it for me.
I also outsource within the family, taking my husband up on his offers to fold the laundry and unload the dishwasher. I used to be reluctant about this but I suppose help is help even if it means our clothes won’t look like they’re on display at the Gap and the small forks will be put in the same slot as the big ones. Oh, the horror!
#5: Disguise chores as fun for the whole family
Obviously this strategy has its limitations because no matter how you sell it, paying bills is not fun nor should your toddler be given any responsibility over the family spending account.
However, some chores that seem like a death sentence to an adult are actually considered fun to a kid. For instance, my kids love cleaning the car, whereas I would rather be run over by said car. I still end up doing damage control but at least we’re together, working as a team, having funny conversations, and turning an otherwise dreadful chore into a fond memory.
And with that, I’m shutting the computer down, setting the weekly planner aside, and switching my phone to Airplane mode because there is no other place that I would rather be than right here, right now. Go fish, kiddo!