Common Denominator Part 2

To think of myself in mathematical terms is not a metaphor I’m inclined to embrace, primarily because of my unfamiliarity and loathing for the concrete. However, I am a common denominator in two failed marriages. In fairness, their own insecurities and infidelities are the more accurate common denominator. It’s easier at times to find fault within ourselves because that seems to be an area that we can control, more so than the actions and reactions of others. Self-blame is yet another measles infested security blanket that we cling to in the cold, that eventually makes us sick and can kill us.

The next morning we woke up around 9am. Sleeping in a hotel, is never actually sleeping. It’s laying still in a bed, thinking if you mimic the position of sleep it will soon visit you. We discussed the happenings of the night before, the ludicrous married men seeking so much attention, and yet my friend said another thing that struck me.

“One of them asked me why you thought you weren’t pretty”

“I never said that, not once…”

“I don’t think you have to…”

That’s a horse of another color. So many times we have this idea, vision, in our minds, of how we’re presenting and representing ourselves. My inner self to outer self projection has been completely off. Maybe it takes my entire world falling apart for me to find a better mirror. The reflection of myself shown through the words of strangers is not one that I’m comfortable, or happy with. Maybe that’s a portion of what the common denominator of infidelity will do to a person, reducing and reducing until you are a fraction of the person you were before.

I won’t be reduced to fit into another’s equation, not anymore, not ever again.