Focus on what’s important
When my son was about eight months old, I left a comfortable, enjoyable job doing user experience research in an area I had worked in for years and took on a new role doing research in advertising technology, a domain that I had very little knowledge of. The first six months at the new job were incredibly difficult because I was learning a complex subject matter, building my reputation at a new company, easing my son through his own transition to a new daycare situation, and getting the hang of being a mom still. Luckily, my husband supported us and had less change going on in his life (though he did take on a new role at his workplace).
During this time, I learned there really are only 24 hours in a day and they must be strictly divided. The time spent analyzing study data is not time enjoying my son. A quality date with my husband doesn’t involve checking work messages. At some point, there’s no fudging or multi-tasking. There’s no spending “just a few more minutes” to finish an email or join a conversation if it’s 5:30 p.m. and time to pick up my son from daycare (tardy parents are charged $1 for each minute they’re late). Also there’s no staying up late to finish a project at home if one is dead tired. Last year, I had to be OK with submitting my performance review self-evaluation a day late because my son refused to go to bed until 10:30 p.m., and I couldn’t bring myself to work a couple hours after such a frazzling evening.
I think I did a decent job balancing my responsibilities back then, but now I realize I prioritized my family and work and left very little time to take care of myself. From my conversations with moms with young kids, I would say we are often harried and haggard and may selflessly emphasize care of family over ourselves. Those of us who work full-time jobs may be giving a lot of ourselves at the office too. I find I’m often distracted and tired and just not present. However, ignoring our own needs is ultimately detrimental to our health and ability to care for others. One of my goals for this year is to focus on what’s important and to take care of myself. If I’m not feeling well and strong, then I can’t be present or effective.
Here are some strategies that I have been experimenting with to help me focus on what’s important.
1. Know what’s important — and put yourself on that list too.
For me, my son’s happiness and welfare are most important, followed by everything else in my life. I make sure that my own needs are near the top and that I actively try to “make progress” on things I need. Just as I commit to deadlines at the office, I make sure I do things that make me feel good. Recently, I’ve been doing things that I’ve been craving , whether reading good books, practicing yoga, or taking bubble baths, even if at the expense of something else that turned out to be less important. Reserving time to take care of myself makes me feel better about spending time on “have to do” projects.
2. Plan to finish only one thing each day.
The best advice I got as a new mom is to realize you will only be able to get one thing done each day. (That one thing for me when I had a newborn was sometimes changing my clothes or taking a shower.) If you get two things done, you can feel really good. I’m applying that principle at work too by writing down the one or two things I absolutely want to get done that day, and focusing on those first. This helps me maximize my productive hours at the office.
3. Do one thing at a time.
Closely related to homing in on the important task of the day, is to pay attention to the task on hand at any given moment. In other words, I try to be mindful of what I am doing. If I’m sitting in a meeting, I try to listen intentionally to what the speaker is saying without distracting myself on my laptop. If I need to get dinner on the table, I focus on cooking even if I have to let an important email percolate unfinished. I feel I can better engage with the moment with this attention. A lot of principles of meditation and self-awareness help with focusing on what’s important. If meditation interests you, a helpful book I recommend is Mindfulness in Plain English by Bhante Gunaratana.
4. Do the right things adequately.
Only spend time doing things with good reason. Randy Pausch in his time management lecture said that “If you do the right things adequately, that’s much more important than doing the wrong things beautifully.” I completely agree. I work on things that serve some tangible purpose whether it’s furthering my career or helping me rest to be more effective the next day or it’s just something that feels good to do. And I just try to get things done, unless futzing with something until it’s very polished is somehow pleasurable.
5. Never do anything you don’t want to do.
The flip side of doing the right things, is not to do anything you don’t want to (since likely you intuitively know it’s the wrong thing). Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant’s “office housework,” or the work that women often get stuck doing, offer useful cues. Taking notes at a meeting is a nice gesture but often not recognized as real work. When I realized this kind of work wasn’t recognized in performance reviews, I stopped routinely volunteering to do these little chores (which I don’t really love doing). I now extend this principle to skip tasks unless I get some kind of “reward” for it — either in terms of making an appreciable contribution to a project or as something I truly enjoy doing. With the less enjoyable tasks set aside, I have more energy for the important stuff.
I’m still learning how to focus on what’s important and making smart time management decisions. I’d love to hear if you have strategies for spending time doing what’s most important to you.
