15 Reasons I’m AvocaDONE With Avocados
- Avocados are stupid and I hate them.
- Avocados are judging me, like how my mom judged me when she found out I wasn’t a virgin anymore.
- Avocados taste like melted styrofoam. Don’t worry, I’ve never actually eaten melted styrofoam, I’m just guessing that it tastes like shit BECAUSE AVOCADOS TASTE LIKE SHIT.
- Avocados are trying to turn me into a Swiftie.
5. Also pretty sure an interest in avocados is the only thing Taylor Swift and Tom Hiddleston have in common.
6. I’m too lazy after sex to get up and pee but I have this theory that avocados are the real reason I keep getting UTIs.
7. Speaking of sex, avocados look like if a pear had sex with a cucumber and had a baby.
8. Avocados were mean to me in middle school.
9. They are on turkey sandwiches.
10. They are on chicken sandwiches.
11. They are on roast beef sandwiches.
12. I CANNOT GET A FUCKING SANDWICH IN ANY TOWN ON THIS EARTH THAT DOES NOT HAVE A FUCKING AVOCADO ON IT.
13. Avocados are ruining the color green for me. And like, lots of things are green so . . . my life = ruined.
14. Guacamole is expensive and I’m so sick of splitting the cost for it at restaurants with my stupid ass friends who think it is the greatest thing since Hot Pockets. News flash, jagweeds: Hot Pockets are better than avocados will ever be.
15. Now when I go to a diner for brunch they serve my toast with avocado on it instead of butter and it makes me want to set myself on fire.
