7 Donuts That Don’t Want Ariana Grande to Fucking Lick Them

Ariana Grande hates America, but not as much as she loves licking donuts that she doesn’t pay for. These donuts will do anything to make sure that the pop star named after a coffee drink doesn’t lick them.

This holiday donut does not want Ariana Grande to fucking lick it.

Ariana Grande can’t touch this fucking donut, because she hates America. And this is an American donut.

Does Ariana Grande like the color pink? Yes. Does this pink donut with sprinkles like Araina Grande? Fuck no.

This glazed donut would rather be Walter J. Palmer’s butt hole than be licked by Ariana Grande.

This donut will not be sacrificing its delicious, melted chocolate top to the “Break Free” singer. “Her music fucking sucks. She’s no Kelly Clarkson, ‘Break Free’ is no ‘Since U Been Gone.’ I bet she’s wasn’t even born in a Starbucks. She was born in, like, one of Donald Trump’s golf courses with a fresh pina colada in her hand.”

This $1500 donut with rainbow sprinkles on a chocolate donut wants to “break free” out of this prison that Ms. Grande has kept her in for three weeks. “Every day I sit and wait to be licked. I wait and I wait. I’m glad it hasn’t happened to me yet, because she’s got, like, 10,000 donuts in her donut dungeon, but I don’t want to be licked. Someone get me some legs so I can get out of here.”

“I am the donut that saves donuts. I am the jelly donut. I am the hero donuts need. I may look like I am filled with jelly, but I am not filled with jelly. I am filled with Ariana Grande’s blood. I ripped her heart out after she bit a hole into me without paying for me. And I will sacrifice myself to the human who saves the donuts from her donut dungeon. I am jelly donut, I am God Donut. I am Batman Donut. I am Donut. I am Jelly Donut.”

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