8 Nautical Outfits To Match Your IUD

Your IUD is like a cute little anchor that helps you not make cute little babies. And anchors are, like, the cutest. So why not turn your method of birth control into a fashion statement? These are the best sailing outfits to match your IUD.

  1. Feeling blue, like the ocean, which is for sailing? Well you shouldn’t, even though this shift dress with embroidered lobsters on it is blue: because you’re having amazing sex and not getting pregnant. And unlike your friends who live in the Stone Age and still take a birth control pill very day (can you believe it??), you have an IUD that’ll anchor sperm away from fertilization.

2. Nothing screams “I’m adorable and I don’t waste any precious time out of my day swallowing a pill” more than high-waisted shorts with horizontal stripes, paired with a flirty crop top and boat shoes.

3. White pants? No problem: you have an IUD so you don’t have a period to worry about. Paired with navy stripes and a fucking pineapple bag (pineapples are so hot right now) no one will deny that what you’re wearing on the outside matches what you’re wearing on the inside.

4. Does anything say “I wish I was a Kennedy but not the kind that is cursed and also I am IUD and proud!” more than a big ass bow paired with a shirt dress? Hahaha, no.

5. If you’re one for subtlety, try this ocean-friendly lil number: a simple T-shirt dress with the whale emoji on it, paired with some basic bitch flip flops. This outfit lets people know what’s going on with your uterus without being too obvious. The people who get it will GET IT, you know?

6. Let the fact that you are a proud, body-positive female who is not interested in having babies right now sink in without sinking the sailboat by wearing this toga made out of a sailboat sail (but not the sailboat sail from the sailboat you’ll be sailing in, duh!)

7. Everybody loves a circle skirt. This red horizontal striped one gives your body the nautical upgrade it needs to match your uterus, and at the same time, lets everyone know your favorite things. Oh, and we threw in a starfish bracelet in there, too, because fuck it.

8. Ralph Lauren button down? Check. North Face jacket? Check. Bermuda shorts? Check. Penis to fuck? Check. IUD? ISN’T IT OBVIOUS.