I Asked 11 Chicken McNuggets To Describe What A Rainbow Is
- “Rainbow? I think that’s slang for bagel.”
2. “Excuse me?”
3. “ROYGBIV.”
4. “The only thing I know how to describe are the hot, wet inners of the human mouth.”
5. “There is a tree. There is a meadow. There is a tree at the meadow. Through the meadow lies a bubbling brook. It has just rained. The grey clouds have fed the green earth — the grass, the daisies, the venus fly traps. Now, the air is fresh. The sun comes up over the bubbling brook, revealing an image across the pure blue sky: a bow, and an arrow. That is a rainbow. Simply put, the mysterious bow and arrow you see in the sky after it rains.”
6. “Hoozah!”
7. “I apologize to thee. I know not of what you speak. I am merely a nugget of McDonaldland. I am, if anything, the simplest plebian. I bear no titles. I am made of the pink goo, and told I am chicken. I know not such complex things. And to be quite frank I am unsure if people even talk like I anymore?”
8. “I have never seen a rainbow. I am a chicken McNugget, waiting to be eaten.”
9. “I wouldn’t know. I was born blind.”
10. “I think you’ve got the wrong guy. Are you looking for Grimace? He’s always down to talk to journalists without a following, because they’re the only people who will talk to him . . . Ronald doesn’t even text him back these days. And when The Hamburglar got hot? Forget it. No one wants to be seen with the poor guy. I can get him for you, if you want. He’s only about 90 minutes into The Revenant, but I can let him know you’ll talk to him while he takes his grease bath later. Anyways, a rainbow is whatever comes out of a human anus after having a Shamrock Shake, I’m pretty sure.”
11. “Are you high? I’m from Chick-Fil-A.”
