#2. I recognized who he was under the mask

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Over a year ago

I went in-depth about my sexist and emotionally abusive leader who ended up getting fired due to a comment made to another woman saying that she only got promoted because she was attractive.

You would think that my toxic male boss cards would have been all used up but that wasn’t the case.

Several years ago I ended up in a similar situation at another company, however, this time I was much stronger emotionally and went into the situation well-aware of…


#2. I stopped using him as a fallback option

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When I was in college I went through a very painful breakup. My boyfriend, Trevor, didn’t want to be in a monogamous relationship and decided to cut things off after we were together for almost a year.

Although I was absolutely heartbroken by his decision we ended things amicably and it seemed logical to try to stay friends.

Lo and behold, we ended up being for almost a year which meant holding on to romantic ties that resulted in us (mostly me) being much more hurt than if we just went our own way once things were…


#4. You don’t have a list of deal-breakers

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I have a friend that is absolutely wonderful. She is thoughtful, beautiful, intelligent, successful, and in my eyes, she is the ultimate catch.

Although she wants to get married and have a family she has never had a serious relationship in the five years I have known her. Instead, she continually ends up with men who either want to be friends with benefits or want to keep her as a back-up option.

Several months I was ranting to my partner about how I couldn’t understand why my friend couldn’t have a healthy relationship when she is so amazing. …


We need to start believing people when they promise us that they will never change

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Many years ago I poured my heart and soul into someone who did not deserve any part of me, as many people do when they end up falling for a toxic/narcissistic romantic partner.

These days I tell my story to help other victims of narcissistic abuse realize that they are not alone, and hopefully guide them in their healing journey.

Recently I was talking to a client of mine that is going through a situation of loving a narcissist who is also an addict. Their situation reminds me of my own, years ago with the Narcissist.

I have never really…


#1. Their advice is skewed by their own insecurities

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Many of the men I dated enjoyed the idea of me.

They liked how free-spirited I was, and how goofy I could be even in public… in the beginning.

As the relationship moved forward it would change. I needed to settle down, be a little quieter, wear a certain type of clothing that was more in line with what they liked.

Over and over again I would ask myself the same question.

Why did they start dating me if they just want me to be someone else? Who did they think I would turn out to be?

The reality is…


I love this piece Kara! I try to consistently refer to it as narcissistic abuse in my pieces in order to not excuse the behavior and ensure it is still being recognized as abuse.

I highlighted your quote because I believe this a nuance to narcissistic abuse that has layer upon layer of manipulation. I encountered abuse prior to my narcissistic abuser but it was not the same level of manipulation at least in my experience.

Thank you so much for such a fantastic and informative article!


My father was pessimistic about every advancement I tried to make throughout my life

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Due to being home-schooled and never attending public school, I was a very shy ten-year-old.

My father had recently ripped me, my mother, and my younger brother, to a new state across the country, which meant leaving my cousins, friends, and everyone I had ever known in the dust.

Making friends when you are ten is already hard enough I imagine, but combine that with a lack of social awareness and a controlling religious father and you have quite the combination.

When I finally met several other girls who were also homeschooled (albeit with parents that were much less strict)…


Here are the four reasons why

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It was an absolutely lovely evening by all accounts.

My date was handsome, kind, thoughtful, and the complete opposite of my narcissistic ex. He made me feel safe and comfortable in a way that felt foreign to me.

After the date ended we said goodbye and he texted me an hour after I got home to say that he couldn’t wait to see me again.

I sat down on the couch, took a deep breath, and burst into heaving sobs.

Why did I feel absolutely miserable? Why was I missing the ex that had treated me terribly? Why couldn’t I…


Research shows that someone is more likely to cheat after they have cheated in previous relationships.

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Recently , primarily around the fact that many couples stay together after it happens in their relationship.

The backlash was swift and the general consensus was that if someone cheated you should never stay in the relationship and that person would always be unfaithful in future relationships.

In fact, I can sum the response up to one saying that I am sure we are all very familiar with.

Once a cheater, always a cheater.

Now, I personally don’t believe I could stay in a relationship after the trust had been…


#3. You will never doubt their commitment.

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Often when I am talking to someone in a toxic relationship they will justify their partner’s behavior by claiming that they are their “soulmate” even when they are enduring emotional and at times, physical abuse.

It is a claim that I can easily relate to. When I was younger I justified an abusive partner’s behavior under the guise that they were my soulmate. …

Carrie Wynn

❦ Writer & Relationship Consultant on narcissism, overcoming abuse & trauma, and self-love. Contact me @ Blog: Instagram: carrie_wynnmusings

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