The Wanderer Within

The hardest thing about being a twenty-something after college is starting up. You first struggled with college and couldn't wait for it to end only to find yourself ‘finding yourself’ on the career you should take. Even though at one point you do know what you want, but then life makes you realize that it’s just not that simple to get there easily.

People say, “Yes! Follow your dreams and work hard for it.” But what do you do when the opportunities available to you leads you to a different exit lane, and thus getting you off track your dream destination? So you end up in these unknown wandering years that you've been so worked up on regretting and you think things like, “Why can’t I do s’more meaningful stuff in my life?”

Despite of that question being rhetorical, there’s an answer to that:

‘You can. But it’s not a matter of why —it’s a matter of when.’

I believe in experiencing life first before writing about it, or making something great out of it. If ever I would get a chance to meet any of the great actors that grace our laptop screens and cinema theaters one day, I’d like to ask them this question, “How much of life have you truly lived, before you played it out for cameras?”

I’d like to know the colors life gave them before they began painting them on the screen. Maybe that’s why they’re called artists. But this is not just about the credibility they have through life experience that makes them suitable as artists, I’d just like to know that one — single experience in life that transcended all other experiences and sort of, just unlocked their capability to express themselves and made them into who they are today. The sort of experience that gives you enough lead to write on paper and enough acrylic to paint on canvas.

This is the thought I often use to talk on myself when I think of my dream destination, and how far my daily waking days are from it presently. It is a thought that I hold so dear to endure my wandering — until what I have endured is sufficient and transcendent enough to enable me for the task of my dreams.

It’s an easy explanation to say that ‘life got in the way’ or ‘the stars haven’t aligned in my favor’ when people ask us, “Hey, I thought you've always wanted to be this, or that? What happened?” But it is a greater difficulty to tell them, “Yeah, I still want to be that too.” without risking to lose a sense of face when you once confidently told them what you wanted to be.

But I guess, beneath the hidden regrets, I am still able to utter these words:

‘Life is beautiful like a majestic mountain. Trekking its trails can be overwhelming and dangerous; but there are moments that take your breath away which you would never trade for the world. Moments like: when you finally won her heart; when you see your parents’ smiles while you receive an honor; when you tightly hug your friend to prevent them from falling apart; and many more...’

‘The mountain is indeed beautiful, in all it’s dangerous shapes and dazzling forms.’

Like the complicated beauty of a mountain, I believe in the beauty of the complexity of life. Our individual lives especially. A beautifully complex life that causes a ripple effect on the life of another. I believe in ‘living it before preaching it’ because it’s what allows change to be effective in me first rather than for it to be just a fabled buzzword on the streets.

I guess this blog entry is something more of a reminder to myself, than it is to you, my dear reader. I’m afraid I have lost my strength in the middle of my wandering. I often do, but I also often keep it to myself.

Though my destination, seems vague and bleak—I have to trust that the present things I am striving to overcome, and the small goals I am trying to achieve, and the little changes I am trying to live out, can eventually avalanche me into the great endeavour that I will one day be…

So, cheers to my fellow wanderers out there too, whichever mountain you are in.