
All of this is okay. Choosing monogamy doesn’t mean you choose everything that society can tack on with it. Choosing monogamy doesn’t mean you’ll flip out if your partner notices someone else. It doesn’t mean you have a problem with your partner having sexual feelings or romantic feelings for someone else. Assuming that someone just being monogamous means they endorse society’s ideas about what monogamy should look like is a huge false equivalency.
…artner has to check with you before sleeping with someone new is something I always advise against. Anything where one person gives ‘permission’ creates a lot of pressure not only on the person giving permission to say yes to please their partner but also can create resentment if permission isn’t given.
Talking to your partner is scary. Asking for something you need is scary. And especially because we live in a society that encourages us all to be independent beings that don’t need anybody, especially if you’ve been encouraged by society to see yourself as ‘clingy’ or worry about being so, and especially because non-monogamous resources reinforce the idea that you shouldn’t need anyone too much, it can be that much harder to want anything from anybody.