The Third option
Dilemmas. Life is full of them. We need to make choices to grow, to accomplish our dreams. However dilemmas are not about which option is better, they are about our point of view.
Someone told me that life is like a tree. You start from a branch, at the beginning of the tree and every single time you decide, the tree splits in different and alternatives options. There’s some point on your life where you have to make a lot of important choices. Decisions that will mark your life, that will make the difference between what you are and what you will become. They are like the big branches of the tree. Sometimes we have a clear vision of what we want to do, what to choose, what branch to take. Other times we just don’t know. This is when we usually find ourselves trapped in what we call Dilemmas.
Dilemmas are caused by our perception of the world
We think that dilemmas are about two options. Either A or B, left or right… This is caused by our perception of the world. Classical physics, maths. Everything needs an opposite, and opposite can’t be compatible. Anything can be divided by two. With all of this we end up believing that every problem can be divided in two solutions. When we have to choose, we focus in which is the best option. We just try to figure out if A is better than B. However we forget something. It’s not only about the alternatives, it’s also about the context, the world that surrounds us.
We learn that anything can be divided by two, and we end up believing that therefore everything is a two option choice.
We see dilemmas because we only focus in one point of view: ours. For example, when you try to ask for advice, many time you will get the answer:
If I was in your position I would do…
This phrase makes clear that this person is currently talking about your same point of view. Using this phrase is like trying to solve something for you. And no, I can assure you, this is not how life works. Nobody will solve your problems for you.
The reason I’m writing this down is because it happened to me a lot of times in the last few months. I found myself divided in a lot of choices. Decisions I had to make that I knew will mark my future in some way or another. As I was not sure about what to do, I asked for advice. Most answers I got were: If I was in your position. This is not bad, people just try to help, and I really appreciate their efforts to help me. However it didn’t help a lot. I felt like I was stuck at the same place as I started.
And then it happened. I went and talked with the same person that explained me the tree metaphor. He didn’t tell me what to do, or what he would do if he was me. He gave me a new point of view, without trying to tell me what to do or how to do it. Everything was up to me, he just gave helped me take a fresh look on the problem. This new point of view helped me understand that the dilemma was not a matter of which option was better. It helped me understand how important is to find a new perspective in dilemmas. There’s always a third option, and it will always be there. The only thing you got to do is go and find it.
Dilemmas are about how you look at them. There’s always a third option, and it will always be there. The only thing you got to do is go and find it.
I hope this can help somebody, and get some sense in this matter. If not then I hope that at least you enjoyed as much reading this as I enjoyed writing it. Thanks for your time!
Special thanks to María Gil for encouraging me to write this down and for the talk.
