25 is NOT “old”

In about three months, I will be turning 26. That’s only 4 years away from 30, the age where I feel like you’re supposed to definitely have your shit together. Maybe get married and think about kids.

I distinctly remember that my 25th birthday was the first birthday when I actually felt dread seeping into every pore of my being for turning a year older. My quarter-life crisis had been stewing in the back of my mind when I turned 24, but now it was demanding my full attention.

What have I been doing with my life? I’ve written drafts of several novels, none of which have reached the publication stage. I have gained and lost weight, but I have yet to reach my “goal” weight or “ideal” body type. My fitness level is nowhere near where I’d like it to be. I work at a great company, but my other classmates and friends are making much more than I am. So many goals written down, yet so few goals actually achieved.

I graduated from college 3 years ago. THREE. Shouldn’t I be closer to having my shit together instead of panicking that I’m farther behind than everyone else? Every year, I thought I’d make progress but it hasn’t happened yet.

Facebook Memories taunt me with my past self’s boasts of how I printed out my manuscript or smaller pant sizes.

I want the time to devote myself to all the goals and side projects, but I also need to work to pay bills. I try to spend time after work, but I’m exhausted. I try to do so on weekends, but I feel like it’s not enough time. I don’t think I’m progressing as fast as I could be.

I also worry that I’m doing too many things. That I WANT too many things in my life. I expected too much of myself. Yet when I try to dial it all back, I feel bored and worry about wasting time.

Is this normal? I honestly don’t know.

When I write my stories, the main premise always seems to involve *something magical* happening to the ordinary protagonist which sets off an extraordinary adventure. I feel like I’m secretly waiting for my own catapult event when in actuality, that’s the most foolish thing to wish for.

What changes in someone’s life so much that they’re suddenly filled with so much energy to just get things done? To drastically improve their lives?

Or is it a gradual change? Is it part of growing up?

I think the real reason why I’ve been so stressed about everything I haven’t accomplished is due to unrealistic expectations and not acknowledging how serious some of my mental health issues were.

Earlier this year, I had to take a 2-week sick leave from work because I felt like I was on the verge of a major meltdown. Six months later, I feel a lot more comfortable managing my emotions. I can breathe easy.

There is no timeline for when I have to get things done in my life. If there is something I want to accomplish sooner rather than later, then I need to assess how important it is for me to achieve it. I have to set priorities and figure out what is going to fall behind as a result. Because I can’t do it all. That’s just a fact.

Once that burden is taken away, I realize just how much time I really have. There is less pressure. No arbitrary deadlines that haunt me.

I am 25 years young and I’m excited to turn 26.