Bacon’s Role in Fighting Ebola

So headlines started circulating yesterday; I’m sure you know by now: Ebola has arrived in the U.S.

The last thing I read before diving into bed last night (every moment is a potential training moment) was advice from a doomsday prepper about all the things I should have done in anticipation of this very moment … before this very moment.

I fell asleep to images of living in the woods to avoid being quarantined with dying neighbors and woke up to a list of items I should acquire immediately. I attribute these and other mildly illogical plans to 1) my quasi-sleep state and 2) reading preppers’ blogs before bedtime while my husband watched “The Walking Dead.”

Two recommendations from my fear-motivated research did resonate with me, even when fully awake. The first is the role of prior health. It’s tough to resist disease when you can’t resist getting your next sugar fix. It’s impossible to suppress a virus when you can’t do a pullup. When you have no immune system, you have no chance.

So I hit the gym before the sun hit our front yard. Make no mistake; I got fully dressed for work — including battling my hair until it won, accomplished a few household chores, drank my coffee, and wished we had bacon before resolving to work out.

As usual, the brief strength training session made me feel empowered. Apparently I am still capable of picking up heavy things repeatedly, so I realized I should be fine to begin doomsday prepping. This was the second point that stuck with me, believe it or not. Though I remain closer to the other end of the spectrum than last night’s blogger, I also recognize that we really don’t keep that much food in the house. Because I tend to eat it.

Accordingly, I planned a trip to the local grocer to load my cart up with heavy jugs of water and canned meats of varying levels of appeal. Of course, prepping for doomsday would be much easier if a bacon sponsor were sending boxes of meaty goodness directly to my front door.

At least my training plan would make the process more manageable — here’s to a strong (if occasionally jiggly) core.

But as I avoided loading 50-pound bags of rice into my car over my lunch break, I instead wondered if bacon has any Ebola-healing properties. Purely for the purpose of this blog (I swear), I actually typed “Bacon + Ebola” into the Google search bar.

Guys, look what I found:

I was at once giddy with amusement that this search yielded anything and puzzled by the vocabulary. Here are some questions you may have, as I did.

  1. What the hell is a butty?
  2. Bacon-butty health is a thing? (And you can, too!)
  3. Should bacon not be part of the standard treatment plan from here on?

Answers:

  1. A butty is, as you can see, something I must have after my next cold.
  2. I am confident the Ebola outbreak has not reached me, and that due to increasingly dedicated training, I am in perfect bacon-butty health.
  3. Yes. AND part of the prevention plan or vaccine development. I will be contacting the CDC today.

I can’t believe you made it all the way to the end! I’d like to thank you for reading and invite you to recommend anything you like, follow this blog, and send bacon sponsor leads (or just packages of bacon) my way.

Show your support

Clapping shows how much you appreciated Casey Adams’s story.