Ways to Fight Bi-phobia and Bi-erasure

1. Don’t assume heterosexuality

When you ask about dating, don’t make it heteronormative. “Oh, yeah, I’m on tinder.” “Oh yeah? Have you gone on any dates with cute guys or girls yet?” “Do you have a boyfriend or a girlfriend?” etc. Just acknowledging to your friend that you know bisexuality exists and that until you know their sexuality, you don’t assume they’re straight, will help open conversations.

2. Seek, recommend, read, and watch bisexual media

Books, movies, essays, articles, interviews, etc. will all help with your understanding of bisexuality. I remember reading John Irving’s “In One Person.” I think it was the first book that made me realize bisexuality is real — which I know should be obvious, but to a confused, young girl, who thought she was straight, such things weren’t evident.

3. Don’t make people prove their bi-ness.

I’m guilty of this: “Well she says she’s bi, but she never dates men.” No no no. NO. If she says she’s bi, she’s bi. Don’t make people prove their queerness. Don’t assume that just because you’ve never seen someone with the same sex, it means they’re straight. See #1.

4. Realize bisexuality is not a 50/50 deal

We don’t alternate. We don’t even the score of men and women we date, or sleep with. Sometimes we’re more into one gender. Sometimes we’re more into the other. Sometimes we’re super into both. Sometimes we’re into men in one way, and women in another. Sometimes we’re into both genders, but one gender is easier to find and date, or dating that gender keeps us safe. There’s no one way to be bisexual.

5. Don’t perpetuate/play into stereotypes…

Examples of this might be, “Well I would never date a bisexual men, because they’re really just gay” or “Bisexual people aren’t faithful.” Bisexual people are just as faithful or unfaithful as any other group of people.

6. …but support people who do fit the stereotypes.

This applies to: bisexuals who enjoy threesomes, bisexuals who pass as straight, bisexuals who make out with people of their gender only when they’re drunk. There are different ways of being bi, and just because some women want some “liquid courage” before experimenting with the same sex (in a society that chastises women for exploring their sexuality), doesn’t mean they’re not bisexual.

7. Don’t assume that or ask if bisexuals will perform for you

The “Can I watch/join?” question is presuming that women exist for male pleasure/the male gaze. We don’t. End of story.

8. Call out biphobia, and deal with your own.

Many of the items on this list are things I’ve been guilty of. Fighting biphobia means fighting our own internalized prejudices, and then making sure to use our knowledge to call out other people’s biphobia. You never know who’s in the closet; by calling out these remarks, you could easily be creating a safe space for queer friends! Even if no one around you is queer, these call-outs reverberate. Use your voice.