Cassandra Toroian
Nov 6 · 4 min read

Since I was a young child I have been horrified with the concept of homelessness. I’m not sure if it’s because I recognize that truly, everyone could be homeless at some point in life OR if it’s that I am embarrassed for our society that homelessness in the USA even exists. But either way, as an adult I’ve tried to do my part to help with the homeless situation. I’ve made some rookie mistakes over the years by being too trusting, and yes, that has resulted in some embarrassment as I realized I got manipulated and used. But despite that, I have kept the faith and keep trying to help who I can as I meet people along the way on the edge. And I’m grateful for what I’ve learned in the past few years- facts of reality the average “suburban-raised” citizen would otherwise never even think about in their self contained bubble of “Netflix-subscription, IPhone using, unlimited data” lives. But sometimes not only does peaking into another world make a person count their own blessings, it also encourages communication to the rest of us the need for some patience and empathy.

Imagine this scenario:

You get laid off because the small business owner you work for decides to go on vacation for a few weeks and just closes yo shop during that time. And living paycheck to paycheck, with a family of four means when the rent is due you’re SOL because there’s no way you’ve been able to save an extra month’s rent for emergencies. So, within 3 days the landlord puts a notice on your door, takes you to court, and you and your wife and two kids are now out on the street.

So, most of us would think, ok, we will go home to mom and dad’s for a couple weeks while we re-group. What if mom lives 3 states away and dad is deceased? Then what? What about cousins, sisters or brothers? Nope. You’re an only child and your cousin just got out of rehab and can’t help. Ok…then what? So you call your county’s social services to see if there is a program to help with emergency housing. No, they are out of room. And, they could help you with more permanent affordable housing but you don’t have a current pay stub to prove you’re a hardworking member of society worthy of that housing. Then what? You finally find a buddy who will let your family of four stay at his place for a couple of weeks until you can figure things out. Ok. Whew. In the mean time, you have to decide between buying minutes on your cell phone so you can call about jobs or buying another tank of gas to drive your kids back and forth to school (which is now 20 miles away from your temporary housing). Which do you choose? And, because you’re so scared out of your mind about your family’s situation you aren’t really in the best frame of mind to make decisions. You’re depressed. You’re embarrassed. You have no one you feel you can talk to about what you’re going through except for your wife, but she’s just as scared. What would you do?

This type of situation happens more often than most realize. And sadly, I can say with some confidence, a majority of the decisions someone who gets to thismade over the years in order to get to this devastating place, are the result of our poor educational system. Yes. Our poor, almost third world, educational system.

Back in the day most high schools taught home economics, which of course included how to budget. That hasn’t existed in decades however. And if learning budgeting skills at home is what the government was hoping would happen, sadly it hasn’t for many. And so, the cycle of poverty and homelessness continues. Along with not learning budgeting skills, let’s not forget about proper social etiquette and communication skills are no longer taught. Gone are the days of phone manners- now it’s “hey, I called about the job you posted on Indeed.” No more smile and a hand shake and a friendly self introduction. The fact is, the very BASIC skills, we assume are taught at home, are not always, and from one generation to the next in a family, the cycle of poverty can continue to thrive on.

Even in this job market I am floored by the number of “at risk” families in my own area (I live in the same town as Joe Biden )the school district had to hire homeless advocates to help these families there are so many of them. And these advocates can help with getting some financial support, but what is missing from it all is the BASICS.

I believe those of us who have been blessed to be educated in the BASICS should consider being a mentor. It’s not about handing someone money or a place to live, it’s about about simply being a sounding board, helping someone learn how to budget and save something out of every paycheck, and giving them advice on a human level (not in a sterile government office) about how to go on job interviews, make a business phone call, or even simply how to search for a job that’s appropriate.

The truth is, these law abiding, clean shaven, non-drug using homeless people walk among us everyday. They do blend in. So it’s not easy to spot. They are the 10 year olds who come to school everyday and sit next to your kids. You just have no idea they have no house to go to after school.

If you happen to run across some of these quiet homeless, please be patient, be willing to spend some time to teach them and mentor them. It’s not always money that can fix a problem. Sometimes people just need help figuring out how to answer the question, “what now?”.

    Cassandra Toroian

    Written by

    Just a typical 40-something trying to make sense of it all. Author of “Don’t Buy the Bull”.