Let Us Live in Pregnancy Bliss: Why First Time Mums-To-Be Don’t Need Your “Reality Checks”
First of all, let me start by saying that this brief little blurb isn’t meant to be crass or rude. I truly love the advice, stories and anecdotal evidence my mum friends — or total strangers — want to share with me since our pregnancy announcement. I am over the moon excited to be pregnant, and I love talking with other women about their experiences. So before you get defensive, know that I love the chats and I love the belly pats too ❤.
What I don’t love is how so many people — men and women alike — think it is their duty or entitlement to tell me how naive I am about what it is going to be like to be a mother. How they roll their eyes with a look that says, “You’re an idiot” when I tell them how excited I am to become a parent. Or when I exclaim that I am really enjoying all of my relaxation time and time reading only to be met with a sneer and a laugh and comments like, “Well enjoy it because you’re never going to have THAT opportunity again!”. Or as some women like to point out, that I have “No idea what my body is about to go through and how difficult labour is going to be”.
I can assure you that I can imagine how difficult it is going to be to be a parent, to get next to no sleep, to go through the pain and craziness of labour, to not have time to read books for a few years or to have the freedom I have had for the past 33 years. It will not be a surprise to me when the baby comes that my life is going to change, irreversibly, forever. I know that the body I now know will likely never be the same, and that the quiet I enjoy in our home on a regular basis will cease for several years. I get it. I see how hard parents work and how much they do for their babies and children.
I also see how much some people complain about parenting, and how they focus from day one of pregnancy on how different and how oppressive having children is, or is going to be. The constant focus on how hard it is to be a parent and how selfless you always have to be. I see that you are tired and need a break, and I totally feel for you and wish I could be in a million and one places at once to cuddle your babies and entertain your kids while you lay in bed eating chips and watching Friends. Truly I do.
But right now, I am enjoying the stage where I don’t HAVE to chase around a toddler, get 1 hour of sleep per night, or deal with a baby who cries for seemingly no reason at all for many hours of the day. Right now, I am living in the moment and cherishing the time I will get only once in my lifetime, to be a first time mum-to-be. I’m enjoying being quiet, reading, taking early morning walks, drinking tea, and eating too much sweet stuff. I am planning out her nursery without interruptions from other children, and listening to her tiny heartbeat on the doppler with my husband who is equally excited as I am. We are in a total state of bliss over what is happening — a state we will never get to experience again. It’s wonderful, and I don’t want to rush in to thinking about the potential hard things to come. They will come, and we will deal with them then.
Again, I love hearing about your experiences during pregnancy and afterwards, as a parent. I truly am taking in all of the information and advice and trying to cram it in to my brain so I can be the best mum ever when she comes. I want your knowledge and insight, and I want to be a shoulder for you to lean on too. Just please remember that I only get this short time once in my life, and I’d like to be present in it without you telling me how shitty things will become in just a few short months.
Just some food for thought ❤.