Adam Levine is Actually 4'11"
Co-written by the elusive Hannah Wright who has done extensive research on the subject.
Adam Levine is a famous man for like singing or maybe some acting, mostly for being handsome? He also is not famous for what he should be famous for which is his insane body (ALSO NOT WHAT YOU THINK).
Above you will find exhibit A. Adam’s swivel chair is on a higher podium than his fellow judges, he is also standing fully on his chair. His legs do not extend below the chair. This has led us to the conclusion that Adam Levine has an average sized torso, and like really short legs. Please continue on with us in this journey.
Ever notice how whenever you’re up late googling Adam Levine that they never show pics of him below the knee? Well we just found THIS iconic photo of Adam and his dumb wife Behati Prinsloo uncropped and you will NOT believe your eyes.
Want more? OH WE GOT IT. Adam Levine bore all in his latest music video, but little did he know, he bore more than he thought he would have did bare!!!!!!!
After all this evidence came rolling in, the next logical step was to send a FOIA request to Maroon Foive to get their side of the story.
What follows is truly harrowing.
Maroon #2, Jarffrie reports:
“He refused to do normal things like sit on couches with us on shoots. He was always going on about how he was the tallest guy in the band, the tallest guy in the world even. We didn’t know what to say when we looked down at him. He was sad, but, being short didn’t need to define him in such a negative way. We love you short Adam. Please come back.”
Maroon # 4, Tall Adam reports:
“The closer and closer to the brink short Adam got, the closer I got to making my clone a member of the band. I succeeded for one photoshoot but he was SO tall in the photoshoot that short Adam chopped off his legs and then wrote ‘Moves Like Dagger’. It was our greatest hit and I barely miss my clone who slowly bled out while we recorded the hit over his body, and am only mostly mad at short Adam. I miss my me brother.”
The next pieces of evidence are a little convoluted for you normies to understand so we’re gonna break it down for you real easy like.
- We used a high tech search engine used by NASA and CIA and NSA and Kremlin and Bon Jovi and no one else to find out if Adam’s statements about himself were true.
We went into this search completely unbiased with journalistic integrity, but what we found totally validated us and we high-fived after it was awesome.
2. Then we found this propaganda video made by Adam himself after searching something a little more benign “Adam Legume Height Legit?” What you will see will speak for itself. He is trying to get people to believe the hype on his height. Don’t believe the hype on his height hype.
Adam Levine is a dumb hot handsome liar with an average torso and half of his legs. Which, in theory is fine, but why lie? WHY. Tell us the truth and go back to your boys. They are hella bummers.