ok so you know how sometimes you get in a mood like damn i need to make something?
but you also have no ideas?
i am feeling that so hard right now listening to my 3rd Tyler the Creator album in a row & im just gonna write here & draw until i make something i think is enough to satiate this feeling.
im gonna write poorly (grammatically) so fuckin LOOK OUT. earlier today my little brother called me out for using the wrong ‘your’ and i honestly will never recover. i think siri sabotaged me.
ok. so im out of words ideas right now so imma draw something, maybe a drawing is whats trying to come out of me.
ok so maybe not
i’ll come back to drawing. but also i do think this is nice. it is bad & good. maybe it is just good. or just bad!
ok. now im gonna write a poem. i have nothing prepared. first im going to refill my 12oz glass with 5 oz of wine that isn’t mine.
i was honest
it was 5oz
so that’s better than I expected of myself
My all consuming thought is about
my expectations of myself
to not ever settle
and decide another person in my life is a good thing
even tho i want it,
the practical side of me says
that was funny. poems 4 me are always about how im perpetually alone & i know its my fault. im gonna confess my feelings for someone here & see if he reads it & if it pays off: i like u.
going back 2 draw
hmm is this drawing worse? maybe sometimes you start strong on something & then you do poorly on the same thing & you think you just suck. like.. maybe this works for some people, it might even work for me eventually. i guess now im saying dont give up on something if you suck but also dont tell people youre good. its so annoying when people who suck at something say they are good at it. it is also annoying when people are good at something say they suck at it. so who knows what is ok to do?
wow also maybe this 2nd drawing is better than the 1st for some people. thats nuts. art is so subjective. that’s insane. what even is art. jesus i spent $40k on a degree i dont understand. now i think definitely the 2nd drawing is better. holy shit. nothing matters in art! thats why all artists are depressed. we just push that idea on the whole world. nothing matters. projection is a sincere problem for humanity but also artists specifically.
im really saying a lot of dumb shit
maybe every time i get this feeling of “ooh i should make something” but then don’t, I have this internal dialogue. Maybe. I just became self aware & started capitalizing shit, that was weird. ok
i have to pee but what if this feeling is in the pee & when i go to the bathroom, i’m ready to go home?
this piece wont be complete without 3 drawings
i cant sit here and draw another thing unless i go to the bathroom
this is a real conundrum my brain is considering
if you ever doubted i was nuts: this piece is proof.
jesus this is long
that drawing counts
thank you for reading
i am going to go home and watch the season finale of All Stars Drag Race Season 3.
Do u feel like you know me better? ok. me either.