Other Times The Ball Should Drop
It has been one week since the sparkling Waterford Crystal Times Square New Year’s Eve Ball dropped. Now we wait 51 weeks for the glory to return??? Um, I think no.
We, as a society, have access to a beautiful orb YEAR-ROUND that could alert us to so much more than just the passing of time. It is a smart ball. It knows all! The ball watches us constantly, like Santa Claus, and decides when we deserve the next year. That’s why 2016 felt endless and 2017 went by very fast.
For 364 days, 23 hours, and 59 minutes, the ball sits at the base of its pole. A laughing stock. It is humiliated. Let it rise again and again! Don’t let this gracious sphere of knowledge feel impotent.
What say the ball can’t tell us when other things are happening? The official Times Square website boasts, “The Ball is capable of displaying a palette of more than 16 million vibrant colors…” This means it is very possible for the ball to drop multiple times throughout the year without confusing the masses. If New Years is white, then the next idea will be some other color, like taupe or something. Do you see? It is very easy.
Here are some ideas I have to get the ball moving all year long:
RED: When an all female reboot is released in theaters
ORANGE: When one of my tweets gets more than 20 likes
YELLOW: When Trump has a bad day
GREEN: When the ball feels like it
PURPLE: When Cardi B releases new music
BLUE: When there’s another indictment in Trump’s posse
BLACK: When a store somewhere is having a good sale
GRAY: This is just an indication that the ball needs maintenance, please contact the Times Square Alliance if you notice the ball is this color
MAROON: When Michael Cera is in something new
DENIM: When it’s the first day of Summer!
FUSCIA: When Boss Baby 2 hits theaters
LIGHT FUSCIA: When McRib is back
CYAN: When another creep ass shit gets called out for being a sexual assaulter/abuser/harasser
INDISTINGUISHABLE TO THE HUMAN EYE/HURTS TO LOOK AT: Aliens are here and nice!
Wow, I can’t believe I named all 16 million colors so quickly! I’ll expect the change in the ball’s schedule to go up any day now, so keep your eye on the ball!