Five Reasons Why Mom Guilt Is Bullshit

Hey you! Yes, you with the dirty hair that is in need of a good wash. Yes, you with the crusty spit up on her shirt. Yes, you with the baby on your lap, who is smacking your phone while you try to read this.

Are you so over the mom guilt? The daily questions of- am I feeding them enough? Am I bathing them enough? Are the products I’m using safe? Is “Becky’s” baby more advanced than mine? Or the good ole, am I a good mom?

Mom guilt can be described as the constant questioning of things you are doing, or things you are not doing.

Let me start by saying… You are not alone.

We have all been there. Motherhood is amazing and terrifying all at the same time. One day you have it all figured out (AKA feelin’ like a boss ass bitch). The next day you awake to a screech coming from the baby monitor. You enter the nursery only to find your little crotch goblin covered in their own feces. The days swing back and forth like a pendulum, rocking between “I’ve got this” and “What the fuck is happening.”

You are wondering, “okay so what do I need to do to beat this guilt?” Well first, take a deep breath, and read these five steps to fuel your journey to beating mom guilt.

1. Stop letting social media influence your view on the “perfect” mom

Remember “Becky” from earlier? The one whose Instagram is a flood of posed photos and a cohesive color theme. She looks like a goddess in every post. She dresses her kids in the highest quality clothing, and they eat all organic food. What you don’t know might be that she is struggling with an autoimmune disease or an eating disorder. She is coping with the loss of her mother. She is dealing with a dark cloud of depression. She and her husband are drifting further apart with each passing day. She will not share most of that on social media, as it is not in line with her online image. Remember, with each post you see, there is a mountain of struggles hiding behind that image. Social media captures someone’s best moments, displaying them in a way they want others to see.

2. Remove your “I should be” mindset

Each day you create countless “I should be” scenarios. You put on a movie for your kids, and immediately you think “I should be reading to them instead.’’ You order pizza for dinner, and think “I should be cooking them a healthy meal.’’ You sit down to enjoy a minute to yourself and think “I should be folding laundry.” The only thing you “should” be doing is keeping yourself and your family safe and alive. If that is all you manage to do some days, then that is perfectly fine.

3. Give yourself credit!

You made it out of bed today. Your children are fed and their basic needs are met. You made an effort in researching beating “mom guilt.” These are all things that you accomplished without even realizing it. Give yourself credit for the small efforts and basic daily tasks. Focus on every accomplishment. Especially if it is shaving your legs (as this is a motherhood level 50 accomplishment). By the way, not folding the laundry, and wearing it straight out of the basket is always an option too!

4. Ignore the criticism

Stop worrying about what others will think if you let your kid have frozen waffles for breakfast. It is no one else’s business if you decide to give your baby a pacifier or choose not to. If you are a stay at home mom, you are doing great. If you are a working mom, you are doing great. Others will serve their opinion like a free sample at the food court, and it’s your choice if you decide to indulge in it.

5. Know that this is only temporary

Each season of motherhood is fleeting. You struggle with pregnancy, and then you are swiftly thrown into taking care of a newborn. Once these first stages pass, the following stages tick by like the hands on a clock. Teething, introducing foods, crawling, walking, talking, then potty training. Each phase comes with new struggles and worries. When everything gets to be too much- hang in there! Remember that this phase will also pass and you are doing a great job, and your child is right on track.

I know that motherhood is hard. I know that life is messy. Each day is its own adventure, some filled with triumph and some with defeat. Every one of us is in a different lane on the giant interstate of life. “Becky” may pass you in her new fancy car, but that doesn’t mean she won’t get stuck in traffic, while you find a gorgeous scenic detour. Don’t feel guilty mama, you are doing the best you can and fuck what anyone has to say about it.