Minds Change and People Struggle

I often do things that when people see they say, “I thought you said…” and “Didn’t say you were gonna quit…”

Listen, if you are one of those people, I want you to know that everyone has their own struggles. Yes while you may say out loud “No one is perfect” and say you believe it, do you really? People proudly say “No one is perfect” yet say things that indicate you think some have to be perfect and not struggle or make mistakes.

Over the summer I pledged to myself and to some others that I would quit social media until September 1st. While I definitely was less active and ghostly, I was on it sometimes. My excuse was to check on friends I couldn’t reach by phone, and to look at something important for the news. Some of my friends noticed and said, “Cassy, I thought you said you were disappearing off social media for the summer?” Yes, I did say that, and I know I didn’t completely follow through, I tried. Somewhat.

One thing you should know about me is that it’s hard for me to stay off my phone and away from my friends when I have the opportunity to talk to them. It’s always been hard ever since I got my first iPod and I could finally text my best friend Kamryn.

Once I was so drained in February of this year that I told everyone I knew that I would quit texting for a while until I got my shit together. I felt like I was so addicted to my phone it took time away from getting better mentally and physically and texting was to blame. So, with my boyfriend and best friends in mind, I said goodbye and shut off my phone for what I thought was going to be the last time for weeks, maybe months. After two days, I fell through. I felt so crappy not talking to my boyfriend that I quit not texting him. I said to myself, I’d only text him. Yeah that’s all I need, right? Wrong. Soon enough my friends found out and felt betrayed. Were they not as important as him? So, I started texting my friends again one by one. I got worse and worse. No texting isn’t the root of my problems. But I got worse mentally because I couldn’t control myself. I fell through everytime I said I was going to do something.

So many times have I deleted Snapchat and Instagram, saying I was taking a break, only to download it about two weeks later. During the “break” someone would tell me to look at something on Snapchat and Instagram and I’d say, “I can’t I deleted the app.” They would be confused and say, “Why?” or “Again?” One guy that hated me said, “Don’t lie to me Cassy, you just posted this month.” (Which was two weeks after I posted but it was still in the month.) The point is, I quit. I mess up. I struggle trying to finish things. Haven’t we all? Yes I struggle with phone addiction, but I’m getting better. And if I say I don’t want to use something on my phone and you see me doing it, please don’t strike me down and condemn me. I’m trying.

And people change their minds. I have had many opinions I’ve talked about with my friends that I have now changed. And the fact that people say judge me for changing, is sad. Nothing stays the same. Things change after a while, even opinions. Personalities even. People like to improve, or some go down the hill a little and that’s okay. You should never judge someone for that. They judge themselves enough. They beat themselves up enough. Don’t help. Don’t be one of those people.

Thank you for reading this. And I hope you take into consideration what I have said.

-Cassandra.

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