Get a Grip

Write it, shout it.

Its is you

An idea

A thought

A loose chain of consciousness

Get a grip on it.

Feel it, know it.

Hold the chain

You are in control

Your thoughts are not some gust of wind blowing aimlessly.

The wind blows for a reason

The air has oxygen

It has direction

It has a fucking force

That mind of yours

It’s a weapon

It’s a tool

Build some fucking sails

Construct a bloody windmill

Who do you think you are, letting your thoughts blow about?

Have you not seen those around you?

Have you not seen what is happening to the minds of those you cherish?

Destroyed by the madness of our world

You have. you have yours. It is beautiful

Keep it, harness it.

Grab its produce and hold them ever so hard. Make them solid in your hand. Let them take you places.

You want to fly you say?

Well its not a dream anymore

The crazy winds will launch you

Love and beat you.

But they will take you above

You will transform and transcend

You will understand

You will shed.

Shed the meaningless bullshit

Understand the essence

Do it

Do it like your life depends on it

Because it does

How will u ever grow if you hide from your thoughts?

How will you ever know, if you fear what is sought

Lick your self off

Turn off Netflix

Stop being a slave to a few extra clicks

A few extra clicks

A few extra clicks..

This one will be the last one.

And then I will live my life

Well this one is kinda cool,

Anymore and I’ll be a fool

No no not a fool

No no, its no big deal,

I just don’t really want to feel.

Feel, think, you’re not going to go over the brink

I’m fucking angry that’s it!

I wanna destroy and rebuild

Destroy whatever fucking dilapidated mental structure has been allowed to form

Build a machine

A machine.

But we are not machines

We are men

With hearts and brains

I do not want to be man, but I want it so badly

I do not want to sing but there are songs in my heart

I do not want to write but it all that is right

I hate it all and love it, I want to have it all and fight it.

I hate this paradox of living..

I hate My country that I love so much,

I hate how I love it

I have learnt to exoticize it from the white man I criticize for exoticizing everything

This little exotification excercies is the only reason I like it

But its not. My village is not exotic

It is home

Its my childhood shenanigans

It is my history

It is my grandfather hiding in the reed pond

It is my dad picking the figs and showing me his land.

One day son, all that the light touches will be yours

What kind of identity to do I have

I have to compare my dad to Mufasa to see any semblance of good.

Well that’s not true is it now.

I love him

I just want to be angry

I just want to be angry

Angry angry!

Who am I!!!

I fucking hate hybrid identities!! I

Then again I am not so hybrid but everything is hybrid

We are all hybrid, my mother tongue is a hybrid language

My thought processes are hybrid and so are everybody else’s

Nothing is fucking real, WE ARE just the continuous mix of things that once were into things that will be

Whatever we value, as real, or whatever we aspire to, is a temporary state of being, whether what we value is the past, the future or the present

The present

That’s it

That the key

It is the only real thing

You will never live in the future you imagine. It will never happen

It is a statistical impossibility

You are using whatever faulty perception you have of the past or the present to build it

It will be influenced by sooooo many things

It will be a little mix of your future and his future and their future.

One little guy making one little decision will cause a butterfly effect that will wash away whatever you pretty picture you have painted.

I want to grasp reality

I want to know it

I want to own it, and then charge people for sharing it with them

There is no reality stupid

You will never own anything

You want to be a seer?

Well seers are the bullshitters you hate.

Hate Hate

Hate omar chehade for what he has done to you

Hate talal ward for what his brother has done to him

Hate rami saab for what his grandpa did to him

You can’t even hate people anymore

It’s nobody’s fault really anymore

How can we live in such a world

Where nobody is morally accountable

How can we can we allow rationality to prevent us from feeling feelings that are completely natural

I’ve had it

Fuck this rationality that I love

Fuck explaining the world

Fuck understanding that which need not be understood

Fuck trying to differentiate between what can’t be understood and what needn’t be understood and what with a little bit more effort, can be understood and with its understanding, unlock the doors to change, to self-realization, to dreams. To the future. To impact

Ya fuck that

Fuck that because its hard

No its not

Is it

It’s just effort

But what if its for nothing?

What if you wasted your time

But it isn’t wasted.

SO this is what happens when you let your stream of consciousness really take you over.

You are not in a much better place than you thought.