Get a Grip
Write it, shout it.
Its is you
A loose chain of consciousness
Get a grip on it.
Feel it, know it.
Hold the chain
You are in control
Your thoughts are not some gust of wind blowing aimlessly.
The wind blows for a reason
The air has oxygen
It has direction
It has a fucking force
That mind of yours
It’s a weapon
It’s a tool
Build some fucking sails
Construct a bloody windmill
Who do you think you are, letting your thoughts blow about?
Have you not seen those around you?
Have you not seen what is happening to the minds of those you cherish?
Destroyed by the madness of our world
You have. you have yours. It is beautiful
Keep it, harness it.
Grab its produce and hold them ever so hard. Make them solid in your hand. Let them take you places.
You want to fly you say?
Well its not a dream anymore
The crazy winds will launch you
Love and beat you.
But they will take you above
You will transform and transcend
You will understand
You will shed.
Shed the meaningless bullshit
Understand the essence
Do it like your life depends on it
Because it does
How will u ever grow if you hide from your thoughts?
How will you ever know, if you fear what is sought
Lick your self off
Turn off Netflix
Stop being a slave to a few extra clicks
A few extra clicks
A few extra clicks..
This one will be the last one.
And then I will live my life
Well this one is kinda cool,
Anymore and I’ll be a fool
No no not a fool
No no, its no big deal,
I just don’t really want to feel.
Feel, think, you’re not going to go over the brink
I’m fucking angry that’s it!
I wanna destroy and rebuild
Destroy whatever fucking dilapidated mental structure has been allowed to form
Build a machine
But we are not machines
We are men
With hearts and brains
I do not want to be man, but I want it so badly
I do not want to sing but there are songs in my heart
I do not want to write but it all that is right
I hate it all and love it, I want to have it all and fight it.
I hate this paradox of living..
I hate My country that I love so much,
I hate how I love it
I have learnt to exoticize it from the white man I criticize for exoticizing everything
This little exotification excercies is the only reason I like it
But its not. My village is not exotic
It is home
Its my childhood shenanigans
It is my history
It is my grandfather hiding in the reed pond
It is my dad picking the figs and showing me his land.
One day son, all that the light touches will be yours
What kind of identity to do I have
I have to compare my dad to Mufasa to see any semblance of good.
Well that’s not true is it now.
I love him
I just want to be angry
I just want to be angry
Who am I!!!
I fucking hate hybrid identities!! I
Then again I am not so hybrid but everything is hybrid
We are all hybrid, my mother tongue is a hybrid language
My thought processes are hybrid and so are everybody else’s
Nothing is fucking real, WE ARE just the continuous mix of things that once were into things that will be
Whatever we value, as real, or whatever we aspire to, is a temporary state of being, whether what we value is the past, the future or the present
That the key
It is the only real thing
You will never live in the future you imagine. It will never happen
It is a statistical impossibility
You are using whatever faulty perception you have of the past or the present to build it
It will be influenced by sooooo many things
It will be a little mix of your future and his future and their future.
One little guy making one little decision will cause a butterfly effect that will wash away whatever you pretty picture you have painted.
I want to grasp reality
I want to know it
I want to own it, and then charge people for sharing it with them
There is no reality stupid
You will never own anything
You want to be a seer?
Well seers are the bullshitters you hate.
Hate omar chehade for what he has done to you
Hate talal ward for what his brother has done to him
Hate rami saab for what his grandpa did to him
You can’t even hate people anymore
It’s nobody’s fault really anymore
How can we live in such a world
Where nobody is morally accountable
How can we can we allow rationality to prevent us from feeling feelings that are completely natural
I’ve had it
Fuck this rationality that I love
Fuck explaining the world
Fuck understanding that which need not be understood
Fuck trying to differentiate between what can’t be understood and what needn’t be understood and what with a little bit more effort, can be understood and with its understanding, unlock the doors to change, to self-realization, to dreams. To the future. To impact
Ya fuck that
Fuck that because its hard
No its not
It’s just effort
But what if its for nothing?
What if you wasted your time
But it isn’t wasted.
SO this is what happens when you let your stream of consciousness really take you over.
You are not in a much better place than you thought.