Lets see what a stream of consciousness looks like again
I sit here at my office desk with Ahmad sitting in front of me thinking about several things at once. One of hem being that I am kind of jealous at how Ahmad enjoys singing those old tarab songs to himself, due to the fact that it makes me feel less connected with the musical history of my region.
Another thing I am thinking about is the fact that I maybe don’t want to share this blog with anyone, because I am thinking Lana, one of the two people who has read my blog posts. What if I want to write about Lana for example, maybe I want to say something unflattering about her, or maybe even worse, something flattering. What is more likely is that I will just describe her as she relates to how I am feeling or how I make my decisions with regards to things such as sexual partners, friends and I might just play into her insecurities she has shared with me.
A few years back (a couple to be exact) I myself was the subject of a blog post. “Not all men are douchebags. (But let’s be real, most of them are)”. I just asked Lana to read it. Just a little FYI. This is what some people think of me girl! I don’t think she would mind, probably would laugh it off as most intelligent people do. Little miss Gold and Glitz will be the butt of a couple of jokes, a few questions and that would be that. Something that would favor it being ok for me to share this aspect of myself publicly (i.e with her) is that she has clearly stated that she loves to have her ego crushed. Any displeasure would just be a little scratch to her ego, so she she should be ok with that. This stream of consciousness thing isn't working out like I hoped. I feel that I am holding back, thoughts that I can’t share, ideas that I can’t express. For the simple fact that there is a possibility that I may publish it, and people may read it. I haven’t even clicked save, which technically means I can still share whatever I want and change it later, but whats the point in that. This is quite different than writing in a journal just for you. I could really let loose over there. The good thing about Lana is that she is pretty open about herself and how her mind kind of works.
Break now, need to pretend like I am working. The chief accountant is here. This would be a good time to take the opportunity to upload that financial report.