Spring Trends For The Modern Woman

  • rocking a bold lip
  • emailing yourself
  • walking through the park and saying it smells good
  • walking out of a workout class halfway through if it is hard
  • wearing a little hat and walking around asking everyone “have you seen my little hat?”
  • having a face for hats
  • drinking a glass of straight up WHOLE MILK
  • taking a shit in the street
  • being vegan and not talking about it
  • calling the moon “god’s streetlamp”
  • asking yourself if you are real or a dog
  • being in a wood
  • standing in the empty parking lot at Dave & Buster’s and yelling “MY CAR IS BIG LIKE MY DICK” over and over again
  • telling everyone you are a visual learner
  • writing a letter to the president asking “who decides all the prices?”
  • pulling your romper over to the side to pee because who . has . the . time .
  • pulling your romper over to the side to take a shit because you might as well kill two birds with one stone
  • listening to a song you love on repeat so that it brings you little pleasure in the near future
  • making love in a Dave & Buster’s
  • calling it “making love”
  • hiring me for all the jobs and casting me on all your shows and exclusively referring to me as “Catherine Cohen Perfect Artist”
  • wide leg pants
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