Things Dudes Have Said to Me After Sex

trying to stay zen despite the current social climate
  • is my apple watch under the bed?
  • you’re like Amy Schumer hot
  • you were like really into it
  • do you know Bon Iver?
  • do you know what Bon Iver means though?
  • I’m considering an MFA
  • your butt looks like an old painting
  • you look like a combination of Zooey Deschanel and Katy Perry
  • you’ve gotten better at that
  • what day is it?
  • do you have a droid charger?
  • I’m 19
  • I can’t drive you home I’m on shrooms
  • my brother is a vine star
  • you seemed more like a virgo online
  • those are oak trees
  • cigarettes are cartoonish
  • oh I’ve been in jail
  • are you still doing improv?
  • want to come to my karate class?
  • I have a boat
  • see you around
  • do I look like hozier?
  • let’s go to the whole foods
  • boobs are cool
  • I have to go work on my sound collage
  • I’m 6'3", so…
  • I’m starting a webseries when I get back in town
  • me and my boss are musicians
  • I have the best sound system in lower manhattan
  • squirt comes out the pee-hole
  • do you know how to make a private facebook event public?
  • have you seen master of none?
  • was that so bad?
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