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Charlene, I can’t thank you enough for writing this. You know, while I was reading I could feel every word like it was my own. We share such a similar experience. “Was she pretty? Was she pretty? Was she pretty?”. That question echoes in my mind so much, togheter with “What did you like so much about her?” “Why did you think she was the right one?” “What about me, am I different?”. 
I am like you, a feminist fighting everyday for equality and self empowerement and it scares me so much that at some points I am so fragile and punish myself so much by asking that same question “Was she pretty?”. But reading this I felt less alone, I am not the only one feeling like this. 
I wonder if it will go away, and if so, when. Because I need to stop to feel this pang in the stomach every time I think about her. I know what to do, I need to only cherish what I do have now, and not brood about a past that is long gone, expecially because the present is as marvellous as it could ever get.
So, thank you again, and good luck for your journey towards a better and more confident future.

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