But that’s it. I’m starting to think that there’s not anything to figure out. That it’s all bleak and no one really loves.
I’ll do what I need to. For me. I just hate that that might be being alone. But I’ll do it. I’ve learned to walk away. I’ll have to in the beginnings now. Something special with someone selfish taught me that I’m faulted in my bonds to partners and I lack the discipline to leave a situation that doesn’t serve me if I’m already invested.
I joined fetlife and I’m tempted to just say fuck it and enter in to a d/s relationship and shut off my emotional brain from sex forever.
Dating around is like getting punched in the chest every time you think you’re ok.