2018.

as i get older the lens in which i view new year’s becomes different.

prior, i used to be found exclaiming my excitement for the “new year” and thoughtfully coming up with a list of new years resolutions that i would hardly last a week (two at most) accomplishing. i would envision the new me in the coming year. as me and my friend krish would joke, “version 2.0”.

the thought of having a fresh start at a new year would give me an adrenaline rush. january 1st would feel different. like i had a clean slate.

this morning i woke up with similar thoughts and feelings. “it’s January 1! i can start over!”

followed by this nagging voice in my head i’ve developed over the past few years that likes to critically think about everything. (good in terms of scholarliness, bad in terms of my personal life).

it caused me to reflect on how it’s interesting how new years eve feels so different. when in actuality it’s not much different except where it falls on the man-made calendar. if we somehow got into a coma and woke up on march 3rd but were lied to that it was december 31st, psychologically we would probably go through the same motions and emotions.

in reality, every day with every sunrise is a chance for a new beginning. even more specifically and more truthfully, every moment & every breath. and as we all know, things can change drastically for better or for worse in just one moment.

in the coming year i have no resolutions. or hopes to become a different person. my only goals are to be more loving, more authentic, and to take more risks. things i hope to work on my entire life.

2018: i anticipate tears and hardship, but also ugly loud laughter from good times as well. i anticipate failures, which will lead to either insight or eventual success, and i anticipate the good surprises my Father has for me that i’m yet to know about therefore don’t even know to anticipate.

2018 is also the final stretch (for now at least), of my academic career. and for that i am excited. i am curious and anxious about what follows afterwards but i’ll write more about that a year from now, in 2019 I suppose!

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