random ramblings of sorts.
- people are fascinating. perhaps that is what has eventually drawn me to the world of psychology/counseling. i’ve always been fascinated by people’s personalities. i’m in some more cerebral classes this term that are helping me understand the biology of people that makes it all the more interesting.
- sinners saved by grace- the closer you get to people the more disappointed you’ll be. because we’re all sinners. hence marriage is disillusioning. you go from excess dopamine and endorphins in your brain to “who the heck is this person i’m living with that keeps annoying the heck out of me.” or so they say. :)
- i feel angry lately sometimes for seemingly no reason. at the same time i have more long periods of time where i feel like my old chipper self. genuinely and unforced. i was reading an article last week on trauma and apparently this is a sign of healing. a painful yet chiseling journey it’s been.
- at the prayer room at church i once had a very spirit-filled woman pray over me some very timely words. included were the words “sometimes you feel alone but God is the safety net under you.” this was many months ago. lately i’ve been anxious about the future and feeling like my parents (although loving) aren’t much of a safety net for me because of their financial/immigrant status and i’m scared of if things will work out and if i’ll be able to advance in life. God reminded me of the words of this woman in the prayer room however. funny how something said to me so long ago brings so much meaning in these present days. wish i could thank her but i don’t even remember what she looks like.
- i want to be less of a porcupine. i used to be more like a dog -> turned porcupine from being hurt, and now i walk around with very high defenses. even though being in relationships brings sometimes conflicts and hurt i’m starting to learn it’s better than being alone. we weren’t meant to be alone. but it’s scary.
- metacognition- thinking of one’s thinking. i’ve been doing more so lately and my thought life has been WHACK again due to stress and anxiety and whatever else is going on. think good thoughts Catherine Lee.