Checked Out ‘Till November
“Because I have great words. The best words. And I’m so TOUGH! And Crooked Hillary is WEAK! Obama is a MUSLIM, and I’d like to see that birth certificate and his college transcripts. Obama is weak, too. John McCain is weak. Romney is weak. Anyone who says something bad about me is SO WEAK. That guy in the corner who gave me a dirty look is weak. That gold star family, they are weak. Everyone in the DNC is weak and I want to hit them so hard, all of them, especially that little guy. Cause my hands are HUGE, believe me. And I am so tough. Tough. TOUGH.
“Killary lies and has 30,000 missing emails. Hey, Putin, can you find those emails? I’m not friends with Putin, by the way, even though I said I was. Because my lies are fine. By the way, did you know that she voted to go to Iraq. But so did Pence? It’s okay for him to make a mistake, but not her. Because I said so. Did you know she wants to sell our country to China one piece at a time for her own financial gain and EAT YOUR BABY? Do you love babies? Because if you support Hillary, it means you hate babies and you hate America and should just get the fuck out. I will pay these people to escort you, and pay their legal fees if they happen to let someone punch you in the face.
“But I loves babies, and women and minorities. I especially love women, but only if they are a 10. Heidi Klum isn’t a 10, but beautiful women love me. I love America, and want to make it GREAT instead of WEAK. That thing that was so horrible that happened, that made us weak, that was Hillary’s fault. I was right about it. Right. Right Right. It doesn’t matter if I have never voted on it, because I’ve never held public office. I was right, and a very important person called me and told me I was right. They called me on my phone and said ‘Hey Donald, come make this deal,’ and I did, because I make all the good deals. All of them. Have you read my book The Art of the Deal? It is the best book second to the Bible. I’ve done very well with evangelicals, did I tell you that?
“I am perfect to be President because I create jobs right in my back yard, where I’m incredibly successful. Anyone who says I’m not a good businessman is a loser and I am a winner. The biggest winner. The best winner. But you can’t see my tax returns because I’m being audited. And it’s none of your business. I played golf with Bloomberg. I hit the ball SO FAST and SO LONG, by the way.
“I eat taco bowls, so I must love Hispanics, but BUILD A WALL. Of course I like Muslims, but not those bad ones because EXTREME VETTING, but we won’t tell you what that means till later. But there will be vetting, the most extreme vetting. So extreme. Hillary doesn’t want that, she wants to let all the refugees in. And some of them could be ISIS. But don’t worry, cause I’m going to get ISIS so fast. So fast and so quick and so TOUGH. Did I mention TOUGH? I’m going to win! I will win so hard. I have tiger’s blood running through me and WINNING.”
Sorry, I lapsed into Charlie Sheen at the end there, but that is what every single interview with Donald Trump sounds like to me. This is also what I hear whenever I’ve tried to have meaningful dialogue with one of his supporters. Either that, or they just lapse into an ad hominem attack and completely avoid answering my questions. It’s like they’re all reading a tactical handbook that says to spout a bullshit salad of absolutely nothing, just stonewalling or personal attacks against Hillary with no sources, the second they don’t have anything meaningful to add to the conversation or feel cornered by logic and reason.
I give up trying to reason with Trump supporters. I’m done being attacked personally and feeling like no matter what I say, I can’t get anywhere. The next time I talk about politics, it will be November and Cheeto Jesus will not be in office. Hopefully. Dear God, hopefully. In the meantime, for my own mental health, I will be reading comic books to alleviate the sense of dread I feel almost constantly at the thought of that narcissist being our next POTUS.