IMPASSE

You know how easy it is for everyone around you to tell you to move on, It’s even easier to tell yourself the same thing. To list all the very valid reasons why you shouldn’t be with someone, why your life would be so much better off without the weight that comes with loving this person and being with them.

Why is it that all these things register in your mind and your reasoning, they are very logically correct, you know they are facts but somehow your heart agaisnt all odds just refuses to communicate with your mind?…

Why is the heart such a masochist? That it can see doom ahead and yet still afford to hope for the impossible, hang on despite how beat down it feels, love beyond the pain it feels?

Why is it so hard to let go? Even when the whole world is telling you to, even when you know and recognize that it’s the best thing for you?

Am struggling to understand that this particular love isn’t for me, that he isn’t for me no matter how badly I want him and he wants me, life just will not let us…and it hurts…we try having this conversation so many times and the impasse is so difficult to get past. I’m exhausted, he’s exhausted and yet we can’t let go. So tell me medium people…where do we go from here? How do I let go of the realest, deepest love I have ever felt? How do I get past the emotionally crippling feeling of being without him if I do? How do I do this at all?