EIP: Emotionally Immature Parents and The Results Of Being Parented By Them

Emotionally Immature Parents (EIP) — Are emotionally unavailable for their children. They lack empathy, are emotionally and mentally stunted, and are purely insensitive which makes them difficult to communicate and interact (connect) with.

What are the types of E.I.P.?

Emotional

Run by their own feelings

Overwhelmed by their own anxiety

Rely on external validation

Get upset over the smallest things

Swing between overinvolvement and abrupt withdrawal

Driven

Very controlling of their children

Extreme interference of their children’s lives

Are compulsively goal-oriented

Often seem “too busy” for their children

Perfectionists

Do not often give way or time for empathy toward their children

Passive

Avoid confrontation

Belittle and minimize problems/issues

Do not offer true limits or guidance to navigate the world

Rejecting

Very little closeness or engagement is shown

Want to be left alone

There interactions consist of giving commands, escalating issues, or isolation

What are commonalities with E.I.P. of children/adult children throughout their lives?

Feeling of loneliness

Relationship feels one-sided

Dismissal or minimization of emotions

Relate to them in a superficial manner

Blame you for issues and problems they caused

Have high emotional reactions

Avoid vulnerability

Demand compliance at all cost

Do not respect boundaries set in place

Expect you to guess how they are feeling and what they are thinking

Make absolutely everything about them

Often try to trigger you

Hold you accountable for their feelings

Make their problems more significant than yours

Do not have the ability to hold space for your emotions and problems

Will guilt or shame you through manipulation

Being raised by emotionally immature parents can leave a feeling of not being good enough, being a burden, and having a hard time understanding your own emotions. It saddens me to know that, as an adult, I am now able to put words to what I could only define. I had no idea what I was going through but I knew it wasn’t right. I saw right through the facade, the deception and the lies. What’s worse is when you accidentally allow other emotionally immature people into your life without truly knowing what they bring to the table. But alas, we live and learn.

Some signs as adults around emotionally immature parents/people:

You find yourself over-explaining

You find you self-sacrifice

You feel like a difficult person

You feel like a burden

You feel like a nuisance

You feel you’re insignificant

You feel you’re the ungrateful one

You find yourself second guessing more often than not

You feel you’re a disappointment

Talking about them feels like you’re blaming

You feel guilty setting boundaries

You’re afraid to upset and disappoint them

You put others before yourself

A child raised in an environment where they felt they had to meet their parents’ needs first did not learn to recognize their own needs. More often than not, these children repeat the same patterns in adulthood with a high chance of being in co-dependent, and abusive relationships.