The Reality of 3-way Love

MTV has delivered where other reality formats have failed with its newest offering True Love or True Lies, a reality show that shines a light on the true diversity of relationships in 2018.

Cathy Keen is the Community & Events Manager for Feeld. She joined the platform to fly the flag for alternative relationship structures and supports an ever growing community of humans who believe that open and honest relationships are the best way forward.

**UPDATE 24/06/2019: Cathy and partners recently appeared on Jada Pinkett Smith’s Red Table Talk. Read about their experience here.**

I decided to take part in the show, alongside my husband and our girlfriend. We have been in a open, three-way relationship for 9 months and identify as a ‘throuple’. Our appearance provoked many interesting responses and questions, mainly about what inspired our relationship choice in the first place.

Here we tell our stories in our own words:

Thomas

My name is Thomas Keen. I’m Catherine’s husband and Nicole’s boyfriend.
I’m the son of working class parents who divorced when I was 8 years old and was mainly bought up by my mother and my gay brother.

Cathy and I have a beautiful son. I promised myself that he would never come from a broken home like I did and my family unit is absolutely everything to me. Our home life is a sacred place full of love, openness and honesty, which in my opinion is the most important thing in a relationship. It is the transparent and accommodating relationship I share with my wife that is the bedrock of our family life.

I guess you could call me queer, essentially I am open and prefer to have no labels or expectations when it comes to my sexuality. For me, attraction and connection to someone can happen regardless of their gender and I enjoy getting close to different types of people because I learn so much from it. I also love being able to explore different relationships and my sexuality without it threatening the foundations of my family life.

Our throuple relationship is pretty open but it’s not like we don’t have rules.

We talk constantly in order to keep things healthy between us and make sure we respect and consider each other in our actions. People assume that we have loads of sex with different people but that’s not the case. Whilst we have been to sex parties, they often involve lots of alcohol and no communication which is not a good combination for relationships in general. These days we tend to build more meaningful relationships with people before we get physically involved with them. At present, I feel very happy and content as a throuple and am not looking to meet others but it’s refreshing to know that I am free to explore other possibilities if they arise.

I really dislike it when people assume I have a harem of women and call me a ‘don’, like I am the one who instigated the relationship. This is not the case, each one of us was equally responsible for the decision and it happened very naturally over time. Nicole and Cathy are free to see/date other people, and they do.

At present, we have decided as a three that we won’t introduce other people into the throuple relationship unless it’s someone we ALL want to spend time with.

Nicole

My name is Nicole Everett, I am Thomas and Cathy’s girlfriend.

I was brought up in a small rural town in the South West of Victoria (Australia). After the divorce of my parents, my sisters and I lived mainly with our mum. We all leant on each other for support, and as the eldest I grew up very quickly looking after my siblings. My sisters have been an inspiration in my ever-evolving beliefs, and I love what we represent to each other. My middle sister, after being in heterosexual relationships her whole life, started dating her female partner roughly four years ago and recently proposed to her. They are beautiful together, and I’ve never seen her as happy as she is in this relationship. My youngest sister is possibly my biggest inspiration. A little over two years ago came out as transgender. In no way has this transition been easy, but watching her work through the monumental waves of emotion, let alone criticism, reminds me of the real need to stand up and support those who don’t confirm to societal ‘norms’.

Cathy & Thomas have been together for eight years, married for five and open for six. It was their openness and sharing through conversation that attracted me to them. Originally, I fell head over heels for Thomas; he was so sure of himself, not to mention beautiful on the inside and out.

As our relationship developed, I would often share my time with Thomas and Cathy together. It was so natural and comfortable. The time between us flowed with effortless conversation and flirting glances. Because of the time spent as three (we call it 3 time), I developed an underlying vibration of love not only for Thomas but Cathy too. I fell in love with the three of us as one.

If having a third person may contribute to the menial tasks like cleaning the house, cooking dinner etc, it crucially also aids the progression in communication. Often, the third person could play the role of mediator in conversations and disagreements. In such a dynamic, I saw myself in a different light, bouncing off of the energy of two people whilst channelling my own. In the beginning Thomas and I shared a sexual intimacy whereas Cathy and I shared an intellectual intimacy. This allowed me to gradually step into a space of complete comfort with the both of them.

Cathy often describes me as a ‘natural diplomat’. I believe it’s this and my open-minded interest in the world and other people that attracts me to ethical non-monogamous relationships.

When people learn I’m in a throuple relationship, everyone goes straight to the sex. What people tend to oversee is the environment we’ve created our relationship in. A malleable space where communication is key, it allows us to feel safe and open to our desires at the same time.

Cathy

My name is Cathy Keen and I’m the Community and Events Manager for alternative dating platform, Feeld.

My significant others are my husband, Thomas and our girlfriend, Nicole. Nicole and I are very close but don’t have a regular sexual relationship, although we are intimate sometimes. Because of our closeness, we identify as a throuple.

I find it amusing when our relationship is described as alternative because we’ve normalised it so much now.

It didn’t happen overnight: Thomas and I have been in an open relationship for 6 years. We married in 2013, promising to honour our commitment to one another for life, but omitting the vow about ‘forsaking all others’. We both struggled with the concept of monogamy. Promising to only have one sexual partner for life felt like a trap and the end of any possibility of getting close to others, something we both really adore and benefit from. We decided that honesty was a better indicator of how healthy our relationship was and agreed we would always be truthful with each other, no matter how difficult that was.

Thomas is rare in his ability not to care about how other people perceive him. He somehow managed to grow up without getting caught in the trap of conforming to other people’s ideals. It’s the first thing I noticed and admired about him whilst we were falling in love. Over the years, we’ve been through so much together, had our ups and downs, but he always stays strong in his values and true to our relationship. Our connection and my love for him deepens every day.

When I met Nicole through work I was immediately drawn to her; a fellow event manager, working for ethical house of striptease, 23 Paul Street, she is super open-minded and sex positive. The most amazing thing about her is how she sees the good in everyone and can soothe any situation with her energy. She’s so emotionally intelligent and really ‘gets’ people and knows how to bring the best out in them.

I introduced her to Thomas last year and they hit it off straight away. I found their sexual chemistry exciting and although I wasn’t part of their physical relationship initially, it really turned me on and gave new energy to my sex life with Thomas.

As a throuple, I feel like we are such a strong team. Nicole lives with us at present. We have a young son who is aware of our relationship and our open mindset and he adores Nicole. He is such a tolerant and loving little boy and we really believe this is a reflection of our family values. He is fully aware of how committed we are to one another and how important family is to us all.