Creating Christmas

doing Christmas ‘my way’

Us Aussies have always had a fairly weird way of celebrating Christmas. And by weird, it kinda doesn’t ‘fit’ our culture and lifestyle. We still have green pine trees decorated in our lounge rooms, some even mimic snow-covered pines. In Brisbane, half-way up the east-coast where I live, it’s likely to be 35 degrees celsius on Christmas Day. The closest thing we’ll get to snow is the shaved ice we may be lucky to put in our cocktail glasses before it melts on contact.

And of course we’ve tried to emulate the big meal (often twice, if not three times) on Christmas Day itself — as if roasting a gigantic bird and adding heat to an already hot day will somehow bring us closer to our closest family and friends and enable us to reflect on the symbolism of the day.

But this year, I have had to confront that ‘weird’ in an even bigger way as it’s the first Christmas I am celebrating as a single mum. My Christmas day will not look anything like the pictures I’ve always held of Christmas — there won’t be a large family gathering around the matriachal dining table like there was when I was a kid — my extended family are spread around the country … and I’m not able to take my kids away from their home town so they can see both their parents on Christmas day.

There won’t be the household excitement of seeing what Santa brought, or how the reindeers demolished their carrots … they’ll experience that with their Dad as it’s his night to have them on Christmas Eve.

So this year I’m creating Christmas … and creating a ‘season’ of Christmas that isn’t dependent on ‘the day’, but rather creating a season of love, celebration, giving and fun. I’m making the feelings of Christmas independent of the actual day … because I can’t have ‘the day’ ever again … there’ll always be someone missing out, someone not included; there’ll always be the logistics of how 2 parents get to spend time with their kids on supposedly the most significant of holidays of the year.

So that’s the first thing I’m changing … I’m lightening up on the significance of ‘the day’, both when I’m talking with the kids and in my own mind. It’s a public holiday where we take it really easy and enjoy the company of those we’re with. Yes, Santa comes, and we share gifts. But it’s not a ‘pinnacle’ day.

I’m creating ‘seasonal’ rituals. Like putting up our Christmas tree. Like choosing a special ornament each year to add to the tree … that builds our collection and memories. Like taking the boys into the Christmas pantomine and Christmas parade that our city puts on. And checking out the Christmas windows of the department stores. Gathering some ‘friends family’ (you know, the friends you love like family) for a meal and celebration the week before, and taking them away for a ‘mum and boys’ holiday the week after. Talking with the boys about what Christmas is really about … and I’m sure I’ll find others as I navigate this first one.

I have no doubt it’ll still be ridiculously sad and hard to kiss them goodbye at lunchtime on Christmas Day so they can continue their allocated day with their Dad … but I’ll know that by not enforcing some kind of ‘your turn, my turn’ BS I’ll be setting the tone for future Christmas days of minimal drama and maximum enjoyment — wherever and however we spend it.

Because this is the first of forever … as a separated family this is how our Christmas Days will be from now on. So crafting my own Christmas for my boys and I, according to my values,how I want to acknowledge the season … well, that’s the best way I know how to maintain the magic of Christmas and protect it from the toxicity of bitterness, sadness and shitty feelings it could become.

It feels so much better this way … creating Christmas. Not surviving it.