I never thought I could possibly get terrified of anything other than the thought of the void of death …but I’ve found addiction to cause an emotional roller coaster that brings with it a fear that’s nothing like anything else..the terror of losing control of myself ,of whatever I stand for,losing clarity of thought and passively alienating from myself; it drains me…it dominates my thoughts like nothing else…it’s like a deadly high-school crush that you have to talk yourself out of…But the question is how do you do that?! It’s all I know ..it’s what I use to get through the day..it’s what I use when I’m feel worthless or like a million dollar babe..it’s the monster who’s my best friend and my worst enemy!