An Open Letter for Women

please forgive me, i changed my mind

source : How to Be Single (2016) dir. Christian Ditter

16 years old me was proud for remain being a virgin, doesn’t smoke or get drunk, never kiss any boys, listen to what mom said.
I used to looked down at any women who have not get married yet, but not a virgin anymore.

“uhm, really? you gave it to a guy who doesn’t even have any courage to commit on yourself only?”

Mom told me to never get too close to friends who have bad habits and bad habits in her dictionary means those girls who get home really late at night after they hang out with friends, those girls who are easy to guys, those girls who have bad grades, don’t pray well, don’t dress modest.

“ you can still be friend with them, just don’t get too close, i won’t you become like them, you are a good girl.”

Good girl. I’m a good girl.
Get up, pray, eat my breakfast, go to school, get home, pray, do my homework, dinner, pray, sleep. Repeat.
Good girl. I’m a good girl.

Whose standard again? whose standard that my beloved mother have been setting to claim that her daughter is a good girl?
I’m so sorry.

Please forgive me for i shall not quick to judge and easy to degrade people again.

Now i’m 18.
I no longer underestimate women for losing their virginity, the woman who i had looked down back then may had suicidal thoughts but still remain to have fun with her friends, anyway.
I no longer think the women who i rarely see them praying are dirty sinner’s, i have learned to let their relationship with God to themselves only, i have no right to say she’s worse than me due to the distinction on how we sin, we are all a sinner!

It’s what’s in their hearts and what’s in their mind that matters.

I want to befriend with any kind of women, i want to see perspectives of this world from others. I want to learn how to calm the waves so i know how to swim safely and soundly when my thoughts are drowning me. I want to learn how to slock the burning building so i know how to serene my man’s rage. I want to learn to have vehemence and courage so i can let my heart break then try to be in love again. I want to learn how to remain blooming and look up to the sky as the flowers even though last night you cried a river inasmuch as someone tear down the walls that have been guarding you and stab your heart. I want to learn how to be like the sun who remains to help the plants grow even human hate its heat sometimes.

Nobody’s perfect, I'm flawed and so are you, let’s be supportive and encourage each other, let’s learn from each other and polish the rough diamond in ourselves because together we can gravity the sky.

For my mother, thank you for everything you have taught me, i will always love you for who you are, your love to me is sincere, the universe and everything in it won’t make it up for me to pay your kindness on me. Please keep me in your arms as always, i’m trying to be a good girl like you’ve always claimed me to be already but now, i'm trying to be a good girl on my own standard.

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