TRIGGER WARNING: Anti-Asian hate, violence
“What matters most in a story? If it’s good? Or if it’s true?”
These questions appear on screen at beginning of my all-time favorite artist Halsey’s last show of their headlining tour. The same show where my friend and I experienced a hate incident on July 9th, 2022.
According to Stop AAPI Hate, verbal harassment (63.0%) continues to make up the biggest share of total incidents reported. Hate incidents reported by women make up 61.8% of all reports and a majority of incidents happen in public spaces.
If a hate incident can happen in Irvine, voted as America’s #1 Safest City for more than 15 years, at a Halsey concert, a queer and BIPOC singer that has been fiercely championing social justice since the start of their career, then it can and does happen everywhere. Just because you see less hashtags of #StopAAPIHate or #StopAsianHate does not mean racism is over.
My friend and I, two young Asian American women, were sitting in Section ORCH202, Row 22, Seats 11&12. There was a group of four friends sitting behind us who were rowdy before the concert started and they kept getting more drunk and belligerent as the concert went on, making rude comments every chance they got. During the encore the woman dumped her drink on her guy friend, splashing everyone around her, and then he dumped his whole drink on my friend, completely drenching her in sticky alcohol.
The guy had the nerve to try and laugh it off, tried to use his fingers to stop my mouth from moving as I was confronting them, and then laughed in our faces. After telling him to stop ruining our night, we turned back around to try and enjoy the last couple songs of the night.
Ironically, things got worse during “Nightmare.” The woman proceeded to say “Fuck those Asian bitches. Don’t let them ruin our night — they don’t belong here anyways.”
She not only said it once, but twice. Unsettled, I tried to get my belongings together to leave immediately once the encore finished. I was shining my phone flashlight trying to find my fallen jacket when I saw the woman pour alcohol on it, completely drenching my personal belongings. The drunkest guy laughed at how mad I was and all the woman had to say was “Good.”
At that point I had enough and asked security to help us. However, I was met with the most mediocre response. I pointed out the group to the supervisor onsite, but she was unable to get to them before the concert ended. Instead she made us walk BEHIND them for FIVE minutes until they eventually disappeared into the crowd in the parking lot. When I confronted the supervisor on her inaction she told me that she can’t legally stop them while they were walking away from her.
All she could offer me was that I could give her manager my information and file a complaint, but she did not know what her manager would do with that information nor if her manager would even do anything. Repeatedly she told me there was nothing she could do and so nothing was done.
I still cannot listen to any of Halsey’s music without immediately remembering their insults and laughs. It may be silly, but feeling that way about my favorite artist whose songs were the background music to every heartbreak, fun night out, major success I had in my life is devastating. There wasn’t a day that went by where I didn’t listen to at least one Halsey song and now all I can handle is radio silence.
To live in this country is to know that violence is a possibility wherever you go. Verbal abuse and drinks spilled could have easily led to something worse. I’ve been met with a lot of different responses when I share what happened. Most of the responses have been comforting, but there are too many I cannot shake off. I have been told that this is not a big deal. That at least I am alive. That at least I am not Vincent Chin so I should be grateful. That this is something every person of color has dealt with and this is “just life.”
Hearing that hurts worse than the actual hate incident. Because that’s what it was. Not rowdy concert goers being too drunk, but a hate incident.
I remember after it happened that I wished the woman had punched me or physically hurt me so then I could have proof that something happened. So no one could doubt me because I knew they would if I didn’t have glaringly obvious proof.
If a tree falls and no one is there to hear it, does it make a sound? If you don’t record your trauma and become viral on the internet, did anything really happen?
Is that the standard now? To be stabbed, shot, bloody, brutalized, or dead so I can be worthy of my own anger and helplessness? Is physical pain the only acceptable sign of violence? It sounds like I have to die in order to feel justified.
I cannot accept that. I cannot accept that we cannot do better. Culture is something we can change. Something we can build and grow into something we are proud of. Microaggressions and verbal abuse are never justified in any situation and they don’t have to grow into something more rotten to be nipped in the bud.
The importance of speaking up and stepping in, doing what is right, is a standard I expect out of anyone who calls themselves an ally or believes in social change. The people around us saw what was happening and ignored us. I felt so betrayed by the people around me because I thought we shared a bond as Halsey fans, but I am trying to be understanding. Maybe they were scared too. The people that taunted my friend and I were aggressive, loud, and clearly showed no remorse. It was not a black and white situation and everything escalated in minutes even though the group had been belligerent for the whole two hour concert.
It’s humbling to realize as someone who centers her identity on loudly “doing what is right.” I’m confronted with the uncomfortable truth that perhaps I too wouldn’t have done anything if I thought it “wasn’t a big enough deal” or I was paralyzed by my fear.
People across all groups can seek to show allyship and solidarity, acts that do not have to be dramatic measures or require more police. Allies can begin by addressing microaggressions, or other casual forms of racism, as they often occur in our daily lives. And it’s in these small moments where movements can build and take off.
“What matters most in a story? If it’s good? Or if it’s true?” I think what also matters most in a story is if it’s listened to.
I tried listening to a Halsey song again yesterday and I feel disheartened that the first thing I feel is about the hate incident and not how empowered her music used to make me feel. I share this story to raise awareness and manifest a culture shift. But I am also sharing my story to reclaim my autonomy. To reestablish my power. To separate what brings me pain and what I love.
After the concert I reported the hate incident to the City, Live Nation, and Stop AAPI Hate because the most powerful way my story can exist is when it is spoken into the universe. In this case, it is recorded in data, in the hands of elected officials, and now with you. In less than a week I have gotten assurances from city officials, security offers, and Live Nation senior leaders that other staff will be better trained. I will believe that when I see it. For public accountability and transparency, this is exactly what I hope to see so no one else will have to endure racial slurs while the people around them do nothing:
- Bystander intervention training for all on-site staff, especially regarding conflict de-escalation and gathering information to ban belligerent guests
- Cultural competency training to best serve the diverse population of Orange County
- In-language education materials and signage on how to recognize and report hate incidents, hate acts, and hate crimes in an easy to understand visual booklet
- Anti-racist educational workshops for all Live Nation and FivePoint Amphitheatre staff
- Emails listing out Bystander Intervention methods so concert goers can be informed on how to de-escalate a situation
- On-screen and in-person announcements before the start of every event at Live Nation and FivePoint Amphitheatre about ways concert goers can intervene to de-escalate a conflict
- On-screen and in-person announcements before the start of every event that Live Nation and FivePoint Amphitheatre do not condone any disorderly conduct, verbal harassment, racial slurs, and forms of hate. If such an incident occurs then security will promptly remove any perpetrators from the venue in a timely manner.
To my elected officials in Irvine and Orange County, there needs to be new legislation and policy changes similar to the demands listed about. The City of Irvine has invested and has been awarded for their hate crimes and incidents reporting portal. Someday I hope every city and town in this country will do the same.
I want to thank Mayor Farrah Khan, Vice Mayor Tammy Kim, and State Senator Dave Min who answered my calls. I especially want to express my sincere gratitude to Vice Mayor Kim who sprung into action right away and uplifted my experience emphatically. She shared my experience with key Live Nation leaders as well as Irvine city officials, prompting follow-up calls from Live Nation and Irvine PD.
Thank you to Tambra and Tiffany from FivePoint Amphitheatre and Live Nation for personally calling me to apologize. We all laughed, cried, raged, and shared our struggles as women and these less than 20 minute conversations were so healing. Tambra shared that daughter, who is the same age as me, attended the same Halsey concert back in 2014 at the Observatory and both of them are big fans. Tiffany told me that if she wishes I found her that night instead because she would not have let this happen. Both of them said “I got your back” and I believed them. Good people are out there and not only do they have great taste in music, but they’re using the power they have to create something rooted in love.
I wrote this for my own healing and closure, but I am sharing it with you. Indulge me in my fangirl moment, but thank you to Halsey for being an artist I deeply admire and for continuing to be the soundtrack to my life even in the hardest of silences. Their music and how much they clearly love their fans makes me feel seen and less alone. I am still sad, angry, and embarrassed, but I am still here.
I say this to myself and to anyone that’s still here, we are not invisible. We are not defeated. We are untouchable, worthy of respect because of who we are and not who others perceive us to be. We deserve to feel safe wherever we go and to have beautiful nights of music, dancing, friendship, and joy. We are loved and powerful.
We are you and I and whoever you are, thank you for reading until the end. I sincerely hope this is only the beginning to a more equitable, just future where we can sing “Nightmare” at the tops of our lungs with no fear because we belong here. That is my dream and I will keep speaking up to make it a reality. I hope you will too.
