My Early life+Depression+League of Legends

I dont know how else to start this but say ive been clinically diagnosed with Depression and and severe Socially Anxiety to the point for a majority of my high school career i got away with not attending at all being far over the attendance police and when i was in school i only went to specific classes and than got to hangout with one of the best people ive met in my life the Attendance Officer. i was diagnosed when i was in 3rd grade and before than i always had a lot of friends because my dad was a very outgoing person and was friends with everyone and i would always get friends through his friends type of things but they all grew up and faded out of my life. The thing that changed the most for me was at some point in my young life i became afraid of everything i dont know why or exactly when.

(something small i can add is my mom is handicapped she has had a broken back since 1996 when she was pregnant with me and i shouldn't of lived that crash. i was born with a broken neck ect… So when i was younger my sister who is like 3 years old than me was like my mom. me and her were close for many years around 5 years ago she got a social life which like me she did not have in high school and we grew apart with her having a kid ect… My Brother is also pretty fucked up (like me) he has the IQ of a genius but threw away his life to drugs pretty much. )

Ive always been Awkward Socially but i usually had 2–3 friends i hung out with alot some where long time friends others came and went. to this day i only consider myself having two real friends. I have “Online” Friends but in reality what does that mean. people i play video games with really. i can tell you the peak of my Depression exactly, the summer going in to my Freshmen year of high school i was over my friends house who lives a town over and did not have my cell phone or it was dead. we went back to my town and where hanging out at a park just talking for like 2–3 hours and during this time a group of guys i considered friends had been trying to call us because they wanted to come hang out with us nobody picked up there phones so to spite us for “hanging” out without them they made a fake facebook of me and starting adding a bunch of Seniors and there Girlfreinds from the highschool we were about to attend and starting saying sexual slurs to there girlfriends, well unlucky me being at a park till 8–9 at night that group of seniors who’s girlfriends they said all these rude things too all tried to gang up and probably beat me half to death. i was with my 2 friends on bikes luckily and we biked out of there with these seniors in cars chasing us all the way back to my house where we went on the computer to see what these people where saying i was saying to there girlfriends. which if you've talked to me in person you would know im dont talk like that and im very shy. whelp when my parents heard my mom immediately called the police… not what i wanted but it got the problem solved. we went over to the kids house and him and 2 other kids where there and they where on the account like i thought and i was about to beat the shit out of this kid who was my friend since 3rd grade i was friends with this kid for so long for him to do that to me fucked me up mentally. im a passivefist so nothing came of it besides me calling him the biggest piece of shit back stabber ive ever met and i never wanted to talk to him again. the next day a girl the one kid who was my friend for a long time was talking to posted on my wall to kill myself for having my mom call the cops over it which was not what i wanted but my mom is very very in control despite here disability. and than we had to again screen shot this and report it to the officer who came back for a check up and we ended up having to go to court. none of them got anything but military camp at worst being the girl and the Kid who was my long term friend.

This leads to me losing saying 5–6 good friends because they where mutual friends of those kids and thought i was a pussy blah blah. so thus me having my two last friends the ones with me the night of the incident. Highschool started and i had a class with the ex long term friend was really awkward always talked shit about me making a majority of the people in my school dislike me because i was a “pussy”. This was the beginning of my peak. Freshmen year went on nothing much happening again i got away with missing more than the allowed time out because of my anxiety issues. Sophomore year was probably the worst year of my life. i had no friends besides the two i still have and they were always busy with school, work and sports so i played on my computer every night after school till about 2–3 at night and went to sleep went to school slept in all my classes and repeated. it got to the point where i was so lonely and depressed i had to be taken out of school competently and was admitted to a hospital. my parents had no idea what to do with me not eating much not doing much at all besides playing league and watching LCS and other computer bullshit. around this time is when i grew a pretty decent online friend group. these wasn't enough for me because me being extremely self continuous wanted to be liked by the people i had to deal with in school on a daily basis ect… so i was in a school part time program at a Mentally Physicality for about half that school year. i didnt need to be there the people there had real problems like being raped as a child there parents not caring about them which is the complete opposite my parents care about me so much and support me doing everything even if thats nothing at all. thats when i knew i had to basically tough up a bit and just get out of there and go back to school and graduate for my parents they do so much for me that was the least i could do. and that i did. i had one small relapse type event where i actually tried to kill myself. kind of hard to explain but i took like 15 aspirin and woke up in the hospital but after that i realized i wanted to live and i needed to live even if it was for nothing at all. after that year junior year was pretty good i didn't miss as much as other years i went back to having good grades i was still the same with my computer being on till around midnight so i did not sleep through all my classes and this is where League was my life. i watched streams non stop i played all day everyday. i eat slept and breathed league of legends and i was only a silver player.

Senior year was again an okay year for me i had straight A’s and B’s(ive never failed a class ive only gotten a D in one class and passed only because i went in after school everyday in sophomore year and got tutored even when i was not in school.) The best thing that came out of Senior year was i left early everyday because i did not need credits, and i started working as an analyst for team inferno(Dumbo-Swag-Kaken-DoubleG-PromisQ) and this is when i knew the only thing i wanted in my life was to work in esports nothing else would make me able to keep going and push myself everyday. Inferno Disbanded after taking 2nd at a lan DoubleG and PromisQ the stars of the team where unhappy with the top and jungler and they left than promisq joined EL. and hell no matter what i will support any of my ex players even if everyone calls them trash ill try my damnedest to hype them up with what ever i can i did this for Hampus on EL and DoubleG on Caseking. From Inferno i was and still really good friends with Swag/Frank the jungler and i would consider myself on good terms with Kakan and PromisQ. i Consider doubleG a very good acquaintance as he was kinda distant from em when i worked with INF(oh my the way i became head coach of inF for the end forgot to mention) Really only being close with PromisQ. Dumbo is a case in his own all i can really say. Heedun the Manager for Inf is an amazing guy and he really liked my work and my dedication and he gave me my chance in esports which became my reason for living and i really fucking appreciate that. He is one of the coolest people ive met and he works for an Italian org who gets no credit outside of ITA. Anyway Heedun gave me tons of Opportunities to work with INF’s ITA team i tried several times it just didnt work out time zones where a little worse to that of SWE most of INF EUW was SWE. and the roster was very inconsistent which turned me off i love consistence in my working pattern. After working with INF i realized i was not ment to be a coach im very passive as i stated and thats not good for a head coach i could be an analyst, Head Analyst, Or A Co-Coach type of setting. And i started applying to random teams from there. I graduated highschool as of June2015 and ive been doing nothing but doing FREE again FREE analyst work full time with no complaints. i just want to one day get my break and get my full time esports job thats what keeps me going everyday thats what makes me able to put all that shit behind. My Parents want me to do something but they wont Force me to do anything after all the shit ive been through and came out on top with from highschool. none of us thought i would get my real diploma we all thought i would need to get a GED or something but i did it, and im still here today. sure doing what im doing now is not the best for me but its what keeps me going everyday. League of Legends could honestly be the reason im still alive today i literally never stop thinking about the game. im playing all the time, watching all the time, League of Legends is a huge part of my life for better or worse.